IRL CEO Randy Bernard has been telling anyone who will listen that his main priority is to turn the drivers of the IZOD IndyCar series into superstars, and aside from bikini pictorials or dance contests one of the better ways to make drivers more interesting is to have them form a solid, blood-thirsty rivalry. Think of Castroneves and Kanaan banging wheels, or Milka and Danica exchanging pleasantries, or Moraes and Marco having first-lap carbon fiber shredding festivals.

A rivalry doesn't necessarily matter if drivers are equal in skill or stature in the league. It requires that someone be mad, and that they go public with their anger so we know that we should be looking for something interesting in subsequent races. And friends, Alex Tagliani is mad.

As you might recall, Tagliani was tangled up with Tony Kanaan on Sunday as the two battled near the front of the pack, ending Alex's day and sending Kanaan to the back of the field. Replays though showed that the accident was caused when Dan Wheldon give Tags the chrome horn, which worked out for Dan since he finished in 5th. Perhaps because he inadvertently took out his longtime buddy Kanaan, Dan was rather apologetic for the whole incident.

“It’s really great for all of us at Panther Racing to start the season with a Top Five, but first I have to apologize for taking Tag (Alex Tagliani) and TK (Tony Kanaan) out of the race,” Wheldon said. “Tag had a bit of a bobble coming onto the straight and I got a really good run; he defended a little bit and I was going to look to the inside but decided to pull in just a touch and when I braked I hit a really big bump and it just lifted my front wheels off the ground. When that happens you can’t stop.”

Wheldon immediately claimed responsibility for the accident on the radio, and adamantly apologized to the crews of both drivers after the race.

Wheldon even apologized to Tagliani in person after the race, which seemed to be the end of it all until...

"He comes to me at the airport, apologizes and says, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I hit a bump and locked up and slid into you,’” Tagliani said in a phone interview with the CP. "And I said 'OK. No problem. You're OK. Thank you.' And I shake his hand. Everything's good. And then I come to Indy and I watch the replay and it's [Baloney Sandwich]. I'm not happy."

But wait, there's more. Act now and you'll also receive this special "you lie to my face" quote.

"I watched the replay. I'm not stupid. You bump me off the road. You hit me. You crash my car and then you lie to my face?" said Tagliani in a phone interview Tuesday from Indianapolis. "He (Wheldon) created a massive incident early in the race.

"I appreciate the fact he went to see our (crew) guys (to apologize), but the reasoning behind his excuse is total crap."

As the kids today like to say, it's on like Donkey Kong. For the forensically inclined members of the viewing audience you can skip to around the 4:20 mark of the video below and review it as you would the Zapruder film.



And while you try to determine Dan's actual braking point - which does appear to be after he gives Alex the heave ho - remember that once upon a time Alex had an epic throwdown with Paul Tracy (meaning Alex got thrown down by Tracy) over a similar incident on a street course.

I figure the odds of two well-coiffed drivers like Alex and Dan ever actually getting into a fight are roughly equivalent to Milka Duno winning an IndyCar race, but if they do surprise us and break into fisticuffs hopefully they both act like hockey players adults and remove their helmets and gloves first. Oh, and be sure there are video cameras deployed nearby as well. I bet Randy Bernard would insist upon it.

(Thanks to Chris Estrada for bringing this to our attention.)

"Boy am I feeling lousy. Today was not one of my better days, or even close, but I hate to hear that I've disappointed some of you, to the point of wanting me replaced. It was a difficult weekend getting the pictures and sound, but I have no excuse for my poor performance. All I can ask is, that you give me another chance, and I'll hope for a better outcome in Birmingham." - VERSUS announcer Bob Jenkins, in a post at TrackForum entitled "What an Idiot!" (Really? Yes, really), apologizing for upsetting fans with what some thought was a sub-standard performance on his part for the Sao Paolo race.

I didn't notice any major faux pas on his part during the telecast, but then again maybe this means Bob will consider taking up Roy Hobbson's suggestions for stepping up his game.



(HT: Pop Off Valve)

(Ladies and gentleman, once again My Name Is IRL proudly welcomes guest commentary from a man who evidently spent the last six months learning Portuguese. Still at home and still enjoying the amenities of the comfy couch, it's the one, the only, the mmack.)

Notas do sofá comfy Sao Paolo Indy 300

Olá! e leitores bem-vindos! It' tempo de s para notas do sofá comfy.

(Hello and welcome readers! It’s time for notes from the comfy couch.) Mrs. Mmack and I were rudely awakened to the fact that today ends Daylight Savings Time. Luckily we got to see the end of the F1 race, and had time enough to prepare an American version of a traditional Brazilian breakfast. At first I thought this meant a sword with ten pieces of steak skewered on it, but Mrs. Mmack informed me that 1) we have no swords handy and 2) the meat on a sword dish is Argentinean, not Brazilian. At least we have mimosas made with mango-papaya to tide us over. Kudos to the Fabulous Mrs. Mmack for Googling what folks in Brazil have for Pequeno almoço.

From watching Versus on Saturday, I’ve learned that qualifications were suspended until this morning. Part of the track is used as the Sambadrome for Carnival, and the street was PAINTED for the samba parade! Even after removing the paint, that section of the track caused much mayhem in practice. After grinding the surface over night, qualifications were held today with Dario Franchitti (Oh não outra vez!) and Alex Tagliani (Que boa surpresa!) sharing the front row.

After some indecision over is it/isn’t it raining hard enough to postpone the start, the drivers are instructed to start their motores and after the pace laps, the first green flag of the Dois mil e dez IRL season flies!

And it’s soon followed by the inevitable first yellow flag of the 2010 IRL season. Cars are spinning, crashing, flipping, landing atop each other, Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria! Mario Moraes decides to even the score with Marco Andretti by leapfrogging his car atop Marco’s #26 machine. During replays of the first lap crash we see the dreaded accordion effect at the head of the field, with Sato torpedoing another car and then getting caught up with Dixon and Castroneves. Helio even runs over Sato’s front wing. At this point the survivors head to the pits for service while Jack Arute, looking less like a human and more like a walking stick of beef jerky (Jack, George Hamilton called, he wants to warn you about the effects of too much sun) tries to interview Mario Moraes and Marco. Mario is evidently too angry to talk, but Marco calmly talks to Jack about the big wreck. Mrs Mmack thinks he got some Thorazine in the track medical center. I think that after 100 million interviews about crashes he’s started or been caught up in, Marco is pretty blasé about these things. A replay shows Moraes going sideways trying to slow down before he vaults over Marco.

At this point, with hardly any racing at all, obviously pole sitter Franchitti leads, followed by Tags. On lap 9 the race restarts and everybody left is a good boy or girl and follows single file through the turns of the first actual green flag lap. Going from memory (Hey, YOU try writing notes with one hand and drinking a mimosa with the other and see how much you get written buddy!), the front two positions were pretty set for the next ten laps or so, but from third on back, dare I say it, we saw some passing. On a street course no less. Now granted, some of that was Castroneves and Dixon fighting their way up from having to pit for work on their cars, but Dan Wheldon (!) and Ryan Hunter-Reay(!!), you know, two guys better known for their oval prowess, were actually making moves and advancing to the front. Within a lap of each other, Ryan took second from Tags and Wheldon took fifth place.

And then Milka Duno stalled on the course. Que surpresa, or for Milka, en español: Una qué sorpresa. For some reason this means we have to have a full course caution. Everyone pits except for Simona de Silvestro, who stays out to take the lead. Her first race and she’s already ahead of Danica Patrick! Hey, maybe one prediction I made will be correct.

Speaking of predictions, Jack Arute breaks in to tell us those dark clouds we keep seeing in the distance are rain clouds, and they’re headed right for us. Ah, sunny Brazil!

The race restarts around lap 27 with Simona being chased by Dario and O-Ryan the Hunter. RHR takes Mr. Ashley Judd and then sets off after Simona. On the next lap he forces his way past her with a shower of sparks from the undertray of his car. With rain coming in Penske pulls in Ryan Briscoe to change to rain tires. On track, suddenly Tony Kanaan and an unseen car go skidding off into a run-off. A replay shows Dan Wheldon prefers slam dancing to the samba, and shoves Alex Tagliani into TK. TK gets back on track but no Tagliani.

After that the rain comes. And with it, those that stay out on slicks perform beautiful pirouettes on track for the fans, including Danica Patrick. Perhaps if Danica had more experience in stock cars, she would have avoided that spin. Sorry, I must have channeled ol’ DW there.

Now it begins to rain harder as we see Alex Lloyd’s car in the wall. The rain is now mixed with HAIL, and timing and scoring is knocked out! So on lap 36, the race is red flagged so we can dry the track and the drivers can have a siesta. I should NEVER have made fun of NASCAR for the delays in this year’s Daytona 500. Karma, it’s a buzz kill.

When the race restarts, it will be a timed race. Before the rain came teams gambled on when to put on the rain tires. With the track starting to dry out, now teams have to decide when to go back to slicks. Briscoe Inferno, O-Ryan the Hunter, and Will Power blink first and duck in for slicks. This gives the race lead back to Franchitti. The race restarts and there’s a lot of position shuffling as cars hit the pits to get slicks back on. RHR takes the lead and there is an actual battle from second to fourth with Power, Briscoe, and Matos. Castroneves is also trying to move up.

Somewhere in here Bob Jenkins announces this race is now the most viewed telecast in Brazilian television history. I think to myself of course it is. Everyone is calling everyone else saying something like “Hey, turn on channel 12, yeah, the Indy Car race. This one car jumped on top of another, yeah, IT WAS GREAT!”

At this point Ryan Briscoe comes up to second as we are told Ryan Hunter-Reay must MAKE FUEL. It is now a timed, fuel conservation race. Great! The announcing staff debates the merits of RHR staying in the lead versus falling back to second and pacing off Briscoe. Soon the point becomes academic because Briscoe passes RHR, but then RHR passes him back to retake the lead! Except that both drivers cut the corners and took short cuts through the turns while trying to pass each other. RHR has to give the lead back to Briscoe, and falls into the clutches of Will Power. A few laps later Briscoe plucks defeat from the jaws of victory and flies straight as an arrow into the tire barriers. With the resulting yellow, all that race leader RHR needs to worry about is Will Power.

With about six minutes to go, the race restarts with Ryan Hunter-Reay being chased by Will Power. Somehow, Vitor Meira, in the AJ Foyt Racing #14, has gotten up to third place. Behind him is all manner of slicing and dicing that portends mechanized chaos. Up at the front, Will Power makes a move and takes the lead from RHR. Ryan can’t get close enough before the finish to try to retake the lead, so the finish is Power, Hunter-Reay, and Meira for the podium. Although it’s not a win, hopefully Ryan’s strong run convinces Izod to write a full season check to Michael Andretti.

And for all the talk about Simona de Silvestro, let’s give a hand to Brazilian rookie Ana Beatriz, who finished ahead of both Simona and Danica in 13th spot, and is also the highest finishing rookie in the race.

In closing, even with all the rain, some dreaded “lock-step”, and a first lap that would embarrass the field in a bomber stock race at the Grundy County Speedway, the Sao Paolo course offered some actual racing, with at least three good passes for the lead.

Adeus do sofá comfy, everyone, until the next race at St. Petersburg.

Welcome to Brazil, where the 2010 IZOD IndyCar season is about to kick off for the first time outside the friendly confines of the US borders. But it's all good - Jack Arute is there to make Sao Paolo feel just as awkward as any other race.

Today's race features 7 Brazilians racing in their homeland. IRL regulars Helio Castroneves, Tony Kanaan, Rafa Matos and a freshly healed Vitor Meira will join rookies Mario Romancini and Ana Beatriz, and thanks to a last minute deal Mario Moraes will be racing as well. Collectively they might outsell Danica Patrick at the merchandise trailer this weekend.

The big story this weekend is that yesterdays qualifications were canceled due to a slippery straightaway. The front section is part of what's none as the Sambadrome, although after removing the surface paint from the recent Carnivale festivities the concrete track was more like the ice at the Saddledome. The slippery surface might have been some nefarious plot to eliminate passing altogether on a street course, but Brian Barnhart called in the grinders overnight and now it appears we have a sufficient racing surface.

So we have a serious test of of the off-season conditioning today, as this morning they've had a practice session, qualifications, and now the race. Let's hope the drivers did their workouts workouts, are properly hydrated, and have made all other necessary preparations...



...because after a loooooong winter IT'S TIME TO START!

0: Dario Franchitti will be starting from the pole today. Arute is stuffing the mic in his face, and Dario does not disappoint. Says for Brian Barnhart "had to have really big attachments" to cancel qualifications yesterday. I just spewed coffee.

0: Alex Tagliani, in his first race for his the FAZZT Racing team he co-owns, is starting next to Dario on the front row. Justin Wilson and part-timer Ryan Hunter-Reay are starting in Row 2. Bully for the little guys!

0: And...we have a little rain. Now they have to figure out if they need to change tires. Jack Arute is showing us the weather radar, pointing to multi-colored blots. It appears it's May in Brazil.

0: Well, the pace car circled the track and I guess it's not too wet.

0: The most sedate man in Sao Paolo announces "...drivers, start your engines..."

0: OK, we have red tires, black tires, and our first chance to see IndyCars with a reverse gear. Hopefully this will help avoid a few yellow flags. On a personal note, I'd love to see the winner of this race circle the track in reverse for a super-slow victory lap.

0: For those interested, we have 5 rookies. Beatriz and Romancini, along with Takuma Sato, Simona de Silvestro, and Alex Lloyd. Quite a diverse group.

0: ...and finally We Are GREEN GREEN GREEN!

0: HOLY GOAT RODEO, BATMAN!!! What a messed up first turn! In what is possibly the worst start EVAH to an IRL race we see Helio, Dixon, and Sato are spinning, lots of cars through the run off, and Mario Moraes's Dallara is on top of Marco Andretti's head!

1: Marco is still stuck in that car and under that other car. A little help over here, please.

2: Arute tells us Marco has contacted his team through the in-car radio that he is OK. That's amazing - three sincere cheers for Dallara safety!

3: Replays show that Sato got loose entering the first turn causing the first mess. Moraes looks like he was spinning as well before he gassed his car over the back of Marco's. Boom, zoom, crash! (Warning: I'm fast exceeding my exclamation point quotient.)

4: Marco is out of the car, walking to the ambulance. Applause all around. Franchiti, Tagliani, Hunter-Reay...wait, now Power is third and Ryan is 4th? What? How are we passing under yellow?

5: Looks like some cars are pitting, none of the leaders though. A crane has arrived to remove what's left of Marco's car. Power makes a pit stop, so Hunter-Reay is back in 3rd. Kanaan and Matos round out the top 5.

6: Moraes declines to be interviewed by Arute. These aren't the droids you're looking for, Jack. Meanwhile, Marco has been checked, released, and will no doubt be tracked down by the very busy Arute.

7: Just got a shot of Romancini's car. Bright white with green "DOLLY" on the side. Now I have Louis Armstrong singing in my head.

8: Might be going green again soon. Gird your loins for the battle in the first turn, folks.

9: Restart on and we are once again GREEN GREEN GREEN!!! Through turn one, then two, then three, and we are in full parade mode.

10: Arute tracks down Marco, who seems fairly even headed about the whole thing. Said "couldn't see a foot in front of you" and that he was letting off on the gas, inferring the kind sould behind him might not have been so cautious. Marco might still be a bit woozy from having a 1500lb car sitting on his head for a few minutes.

11: Dixon has recovered nicely from that first lap fracas. He's already up to 9th, while Helio is back in 16th. Meanwhile Sato is parked in the pits. 20 drivers on the lead lap, with only Alex Lloyd a lap down after having to have some parts changed earlier.

12: Well, it looks like Milka just got lapped, so make that 19 cars on the lead lap.

14: Top 4 are pulling away, with Dan Wheldon all up in Rafa Matos' business for 5th.

15: Wheldon, Mutoh, Vitor, Danica, Conway comprise 6th through 10th, in case you were wondering. NO PENSKE CARS in the Top 10!

18: And Wheldon has gotten around Matos for 5th. Looks like Wheldon is moving up invisibly through the field. Would have been nice to see some actual overtaking. *banging head on laptop*

19: RHR passes Tags for P2. Hooray for televised passing!

20: Kanaan tries to get around Tagliani, but can't quite get er done. Locks the brakes but maintains control, drawing the applause of the crowd.

22: YELLOW for a stalled Milka Duno on the course. Why a full course caution? I don't know, and I'm getting tired of asking during these street races. I guess they can't just push her to a runoff with a local yellow...but what do I know.

24: Pits are open...and EVERYONE comes in. Nice and orderly. All drivers are on their best behavior. Looks like first out are Dario, Hunter-Reay, Kanaan, Tagliani, and Wheldon.

25: Hold the phone - one car did not pit: Simona de Silvestro, who now leads the race. She pitted right before the yellow so this is legit. You go girl!

26: Looks like the rain is coming in. Jack says "I'm starting to feel like the hippy-dippy weatherman." *another spit take*

27: Back to GREEN. Hang on, Simona - here they come! Hunter Reay is all over Dario's rear wing. Works him the entire lap and finally gets him in the last turn for P2.

28: RHR is driving like a man possessed. Takes the inside line, sparks flying from the bumps, and rockets past Simona for the lead.

29: The hippy-dippy weatherman says rain is coming.

29: Ruh-roh! Tagliani tangles with Kanaan and they both slide into the run-off. Oh, they Brazilian fans will not be pleased.

29: Hang on, replay shows Dan Wheldon punted Tags who spun into Kanaan. Meanwhile Briscoe pulls into the pits to change to rain tires...and here comes the rain!

30: Kanaan is back on the the track, and while we were looking at the accident it seems Dario got around Simona for second.

30: Lots of cars pulling into the pits to change for rain tires, but a few stay out. Curous call for those who stay out, as we see Beatriz, Danica, and Romancini spinning around, all without contact. It's like ice capades with cars. Quite graceful actually.

30: Full course yellow now as Alex Lloyd has made contact with the wall. Probably had an ungraceful spin, but we have no replays.

31: Rain is really coming down now. Arute suggests the way this weekend is going locusts might not be far behind. Looks like puddles are forming, which as I recall caused some significant delays at the race at St Pete a couple years ago.

32: Oh by the way, the leaders are RHR, Dario, Swiss Miss, Dixon, Wheldon. Meanwhile it appears Romancini has spun yet again. Hello Dolly!

33: Now Bob Jenkins says that Timing & Scoring is messed up and your actual Top 5 are RHR, Power, Dario, Dixon and Conweazy. Hmm. I think I liked the other Top 5 better.

36: Red flag. Everybody park it.

36: Arute with Tags, who is out of the race. He's not enraged, which is disappointing since I was hoping he'd go after Wheldon in the pits now. The only thing this race is missing a good dust up. Well, that and locusts.

36: Laps, schmaps - we're going to have a timed race. Just like that puddle-rific race in St Pete a few years ago. I thought this timed nonsense ended when the IRL went to VERSUS, but I guess that's not the case.

36: All the drivers are out of their cars, waiting for the signal to race for 45 minutes. It's like halftime at a soccer match. Meanwhile dozens of Brazilians with brooms are furiously sweeping water off the course.

36: Arute with Will Power, asking him "...what to do in the middle of a race in Rio?" Yes, he said Rio. That's our Jack! Meanwhile we learned that the Aussie is eating a banana and honey sandwich - what, not vegemite?

Ed Note: Shane Rogers, the International Superstar, tweets thusly: "Vegemite might be on short supply in Brazil, I condone the choice of Banana and Honey as the T sandwich for Will Power."

36: To kill time VERSUS is showing us 2012 chassis designs. Dallara, Swift, Lola, BAT and OH LOOK AT THIS AMAZING DELTAWING. Time for me to go make my own banana and honey sandwich.

36: Man, this race seems almost as long as the off-season.

36: Drivers are putting the helmets back on. The "Up With People" show better be wrapping ups because this IndyCar halftime show is almost over.

36: The command is given on pit road to fire the engines, so away the roll. The sun is shining and the track is drying, so the game of "how long do you race on grooved tires" begins.

36: Still under yellow with the sun shining on puddles, Briscoe, RHR, Power all pit for slicks. And there's still a lot of puddles on the course. Somewhere pressdog is readying the clown cars.

37: Franchitti, Dixon, Conway, Wilson, Vitor are now the Top 5. Other cars are pitting for slicks as well.

-38 (minutes): I have to change the notation since this is a timed race.

-36: GREEN GREEN GREEN. Target cars lead the way. Oh joy.

-35: Helio passes Viso for 5th, and Viso passes him right back. Look, racing!

-33: Drivers on slicks are marching through the field as RHR, Power, Briscoe up to 8th, 9th, and 10th respectively.

-30: Wilson and Helio have had enough of this nonsense and pit for slicks. Dixon as well. Hunter-Reay up to 2nd now and gunning for Dario.

-29: Dario pits. RHR has the lead with Will Power chasing him 3 seconds back. MMatos Briscoe and Vitor round out the Top 5. Much furious jockeying for position here.

-27: Hunter-Reay is up by six seconds plus. The Big Hyphen is opening up the can of of Whoop-Ass. It's chaos behind him as Power, Briscoe and Matos battle for 2nd.

-24: Briscoe is 2nd, now only 4 seconds back. It might be a Ryan-Ryan finish. Matos third, Power fourth.

-21: Ryan Hunter-Reay drives an IZOD sponsored car. This is IZOD's first race as series sponsor. Go ahead and start your own "the call" rumors.

-20: Romancini has smacked the wall, but he limps around without drawing a full-course caution. Golf clap here for Mario.

-18: Briscoe has caught up to the other Ryan, but that might be because there's some fuel conservation going on.

-17: Briscoe takes the lead...and then Hunter-Reay takes it back, but only when they both go side-by-side and take a shortcut through a turn. It's in the IHJ's hands now.

-16: The IHJ says RHR has to give back the position. Hunter-Reay surrenders the lead but lookie here it's Will Power all over his rear bumper! It's a three-way battle for fuel conservation!

-15: On a positive note, at least they have to conserve with their foot instead of the knob, since the multiple fuel mappings are GONE from the cockpit. Hallelujah!

-13: Still Briscoe, Hyphen, Power, with Matos and Vitor 8 seconds back.

-12: Whoopsie! Briscoe misses a turn and goes into the tires. So much for that Ryan-Ryan finish. Hunter-Reay retakes the lead, and we now have a full course caution. Tick tick tick...

-10: Hyphen, Power, Matos, Meira, Wheldon. Dixon and Dario lurking in 6th and 8th.

-8: This is actually lap 56 for those of your scoring at home. Or even if you're by yourself. *rimshot*

-6: Back to GREEN GREEN GREEN! Hunter-Reay and Will Power launch from the rest in not time at all.

-5: Vitor gets around Matos in a Brazilian battle for third. Vitor is smelling that podium in his first race in 9 months.

-3: Will Power, the Towoomba Tornado, sizes up Hunter-Reay and...and...and he's by for the lead! Tick...tick..tick...

-2: Here's the part where I tell my kids "I told ya Will Power would win, didn't I?" And they nod, because it's easier to beat Shane Rogers in a Vegemite eating contest than it is to best Power on a street circuit. (And Shane is all about the Vegemite, friends.)

-1: Dixon and Dario are battling for 6th. Getting dicey. Easy boys, you're going to be teammates all year. Meanwhile, white flag for Will Power, powered by bananas and honey.

0: It's Power, Hunter-Reay, Meira as the opening race is done. Man, I feel like I've been blogging this race for the last four hours...wait!

Will emerges, acknowledges the crowd and pulls bandages off his fingers. His hands are a bloody mess, and I don't mean that in the way Brits swear. Seriously, he looks like he's been in one of the MMA cage match deals. That's the price of victory.

Congrats to Will for showing Roger Penske he made the right call by getting him a full season deal. Puts that wreck in practice at Infineon last year waaaay in the rear view mirror. I may just sign up for Verizon as a sign of support. Also congratulations to Ryan Hunter-Reay for being up near the front all day. Ain't no shame in his part-time game.

No offense to those two fine gentlemen but the biggest hand of the day goes to Foyt Racing's Vitor Meira, who was last seen at Indy being pulled from a broken car with some freshly broken vertebrae. Months of rehab later he emerges as the top Brazilian in the homeland race. If anyone knows how to say "Way to go, Vitor!" in Portuguese I'll gladly second that exclamation.

And since AJ Foyt's team made the podium, you know what that means? Some quality Brazilian steakhouse is gonna get taken down tonight!

Well, that's going to be a wrap here. We had racing surface issues, weather issues, time issues, Arute issues, but in the end some sense of familiarity is restored as Will Power once again wins on a street course. The season is underway, and for the time being none of the three drivers who were battling for the series title last year are in the Top 5. Hope springs eternal. Thank you very much - good night!