Nickname knickknacks

There’s less than a week remaining before the season opener (hang on, that phrase requires a five second Snoopy Dance) and yet we still have some unfinished business in the nickname department. An epic surge of refugees has left your humble host scrambling, but thanks to the kind participation of the audience we are nearly mostly caught up.

With so little time remaining to help determine race-appropriate monikers for these five full-timers, an executive decision is being made to expedite the process. Sorry gentlemen, but you show up late and this is what you get.

Enrique “Rico Suave” Bernoldi – He probably started racing when the song by Gerardo was released, and since he previously raced in Formula One he needs a foreign-sounding, high-fashion-type of nickname.

Bruno “Junky” Junqueira – This one has been around a while, and when you’ve had some success like Bruno has you can get away with this kind of nickname without it being derogatory.

Mario “Eminem” Moraes – Admittedly, I know nothing about him other than he shares the same initials as Marshall Mathers. If you've got something better go ahead and throw it out there.


Marty “Moto Marty” Roth – According to Roth’s bio, from 1975-1982 he raced “various forms of motorcycles”. After nearly 20 years of open-wheel competition, Marty still occasionally gets stuck at motorcycle speed.

Ernesto “Darkslide” Viso – Watch this cringe-inducing video of Ernesto last year and tell me again how road courses are gentler on the equipment. He didn't exactly complete the skateboard maneuver with his GP2 car, but he gets the nickname for surviving the attempt.

So there we are, nearly ready for Saturday. If the comments reflect a better suggestion it will be considered by then, but for now like these drivers we’ve gotta run with what we’ve got.