Sorry for the day away, but there is no internet access at Uncle Dwight’s place in Centerpoint, Indiana, and there are no cell phone towers either. It’s not Amish, but let's just say they party like it’s 1979.
And for fans of “The Office”, no, Dwight doesn’t have a beet farm.
Here are the notes your humble host scribbled dutifully from our spot in the Southwest Vista between Turns One and Two.
Pre-race: On the way to the track we held an informal “first out” contest. P1 took Marty Roth, P2 took Milka Duno, and yours truly took Jamie Camara. Each of us is feeling confident.
Shortly after arriving in our seats some above us breaks out the obligatory beach ball. The ball comes near us, so I smack it behind us and inadvertently smack a drunken fans two rows behind us in the face. Hey, dude was standing up. And eating peanuts. See, peanuts really are bad luck at this track.
Julianne Hough may be the cutest thing at the track, but good gracious can she just SING the freaking Star-Spangled Banner without yodeling? People, it’s the national anthem and not chance to show off your vocal style.
Also, on the warm-up laps I noticed that for having no primary sponsor, The Fisher Queen has A LOT of associate type sponsors on her car. You should know that energy drink is all over the models of her car and some of her apparel as well. I smell a lawsuit involving the words like “restitution” and “compensation”.
And now, we are GREEN!
1: Fearing the worst, the drivers quickly fall into single file. And I thought I missed the parade this weekend.
8: Our first Mirror Yellow of the day for Junky. Maybe we should take the mirrors off the technical monkey-around list.
14: Fisher spins on the other side of the track. This obnoxious drunk next to me starts saying Sarah should get off the track. Feel the love.
30: Amazing still no crashes on this slick track, but Mario Moraes keep getting REALLY close to the wall in front of us.
32: Hideki Mutoh fell back after a pit mishap, but in the last 15 laps Godzilla has stormed back from 23-15. Also, Foyt drivers Darren Manning and Jeff Simmons both seem to be moving up well.
36: Before the race a friend of mine who picked Dario last year messaged me to say he’s going with Graham Rahal. Graham goes into the wall, so after picking the guy who won last year my friend just followed that up with 33rd.
39: Fire! It’s Quattro! He’s ON FIRE, for the second time this month no less. This is really a lost opportunity for a Tobasco sponsorship. Or Kingsford. OK, I’lls stop there.
45: I just checked the scoreboard and Ed Carpenter is 7th and Darren Manning is 6th. What?
47: EJ Viso just went down on the grass to get past Milkalicious. This reminds me on autograph day Viso’s posse all had pink shirts. Don’t ask – I don’t know. Andy Granitelli also had pink shirt on that day, but I’m pretty sure he’s not hanging with Viso.
61: Roth meets wall. Can’t say that’s a surprise. P1 wins the pool.
65: Mutoh has now moved up to 7th, so maybe those AGR cars are pretty good. Poor Danger Mouse needs to drop back and get a new nose, but John Andretti is up to 10th and Viso is now up to 16th.
79: Camara hits the wall hard just past us, throws sparks all the way down until he goes straight into the wall. Time to recall how Jaques Lazier almost had this ride this month.
83: Conquest owner Eric Bachelart is being interviewed about Camara’s crash on IMS Radio, but I have no idea what he’s saying. Can anyone here translate Frenglish?
85: After pitting, Viso is up to 11th. I think I keep noticing his position because part of me keeps thinking that’s Scott Sharp’s car from last year.
93: The crowd goes bezerk as Kanaan takes the lead. He’s HUGE.
105: And just like that Kanaan meets the wall, then Fisher. The drunk next to me breaks into his “get Fisher off the track” routine, then goes silent after seeing it wasn’t her fault. I ask him if maybe Kanaan should get off the track.
Note: I was told afterwards she wasn’t interviewed on TV and Nariz spoke of her crying in the ambulance. At the track we saw an interview where she looked fine but said “this has been a great month for character building.”
107: Marco is now 2nd. On autograph day he was the only driver I saw driving his own car. Regardless, this lifelong Andretti fan is feeling pensive.
113: P1 is still stoked at meeting Jeff Simmons yesterday. He said “gimme five!” so she gave him the full windup. “Ow, I gotta drive with that!” Anyhow, Simmons seems to be wiggling coming through Turn One tha last few laps but she still asks “What if Simmons wins?” Not 60 seconds later he wrecks so that jinx is totally on her.
121: Marco takes the lead and the crowd rises to cheer again. Reader Jennifer texts me “how about your boy Marco?” to which I quickly respond “don’t say anything!”
132: Justin Wilson impolitely touches the wall and spins in front of us. After most of the leaders pit Mario Moraes inherits the lead. You have GOT to be kidding. I thought he was like 3 laps back by now. Anyhow, Ryan Hunter-Reay and Oriol Servia have gone stealth up to 6th and 8th respectively.
141: Moraes is going N-Word speed on the restart and drops back 10 places in one lap. He’s off the Christmas Card lists.
144: Right in front of us Ed Carpenter nearly rear-ends Enrique Bernoldi. In the car, not in the prison-sense of the phrase.
148: Dixon, Marco, Scheckter, Vitor and Helio are pulling away. Scheckter is having a great day.
151: I swear Moraes has pit at least 10 times already. Dude, there is no “show me how to magically drive at this speedway” adjustment.
156: Scheckter is no longer having a nice day as he is done in the pits. Dental Plan Dan is out really late so he’s toast. Meanwhile Carpenter doesn’t pit so he’s leading. Tony George is 44 laps from giving himself the Borg-Warner.
159: On the restart Vitor goes from third to first and more cheering breaks out. Vitor. Panther. Leading. Wow.
168: Milka + grass = spinout.
172: From our vantage point we see the end of the Danica/Briscoe affair. Have you ever heard 400,000 people groan at once before?
174: Mrs IRL texts “Danica is going to b***h-slap Briscoe!”
Note: Monday on the radio I heard lots of yahoos chastising Danica for this, saying she’s going to hit him and he can’t hit her back and blah-blah-blah. You and I know she’s not hitting anyone, she’s just going down there to chew him out, and it all makes for a great show. This isn’t the N-Word where they throw down or throw helmets at cars. Really people, let me know when stupid know-it-all radio hosts want to talk about Scheckter v Helio at Detroit, Scheckter v Marco at Texas or Helio v Vitor at Michigan last year.
175: Dixon back around Vitor after the pit stop. Servia is hanging in at 10th as the highest transition-refugee-expansion driver. All Servia does is finish races (that’s a compliment).
178: On Marco’s radio he’s complaining about Helio’s blocking. One driver’s blocking is another driver’s defending. I give Scott Goddyear full permission to use this phrase as much as “traveling the length of a football field in a second”. Anyhow, Kim Green (I think) responds “They’re warning him, Marco”.
185: Milka is still out there. Joy.
189: Marco around Helio for third. (Little did I know this would be the final pass of the day).
195: Dixon’s going to win this thing. He was the only driver to appear at Curt Cavin’s Burger Bash. This is being directed this to the 32 drivers who didn't win.
200: Dixon has won to the surprise of no one. In Victory Circle Jack Arute calls him “The Milkman”. Umm, no. Seriously, there are lots of implications with that nickname that aren’t really suitable for family discussion.
Final quote from Dixon: “I can’t put it into words right now. Maybe after a few beers and meeting a few people it’ll start to sink in.”