Danica, On Who Should Be Danica

Posted by Iannucci | 9/17/2006 | 4 comments »
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So I'm flipping through my latest copy of ESPN The Magazine and there in huge font and highlighted is this on page 38.

"I want Angelina Jolie to play me. I'm sure anyone would want Angelina. Katie Holmes would be great too, but only if I get to meet her baby." - Danica Patrick on whom she'd like to star in a movie about her life.
There are so many mind-bending questions arising from that quote, not the least of which is "who the heck is thinking of making this movie?". And yet, my first thought after reading the quote had nothing to do with movies or scientology or driving ability. If you're a man, you probably know where I'm going with this.

I'm thinking of a clear, distinct SET of differences between Mrs. Paul Hospenthal and Mrs. Not Quite Brad Pitt.

Which gives me an excellent chance to point out a truly embarrassing bet I have with an anonymous reader. I won't say who has which side of the wager, but the it's basically a bet over whether or not a certain driver has a certain surgery in the near future to enhance her, uh, womanliness.

I'm trying to be discreet here, but I know I'm failing badly.

Anyhow, the quote above makes me wonder if this is on a certain driver's mind as well. Actually, she has made reference to this before, and it was...

OK, I have to make a confession. I'm a big fan of IndyCar racing, and I, uh, actually, well...OK, I read "Danica, Crossing the Line." In fact, I own it. *gasp* My only saving grace is I got it as a free book from the Doubleday Book Club, but still, it's tucked on my bookshelf for just such an occasion as today.

Hey, I needed something to read and no one was writing books about Pancho Carter.

Anyhow, in the book the "autobiographer" says the following.

The safety belts that strap me into my car are pulled very tight across my hips and chest...I used padding in the Toyota Atlantic Series, but in Indy, you race at higher speeds and the extra padding allows for more movement in a crash, which I don't want. I want to be held in my seat as tight as possible because it's safer. So that means I race in a constant state of excruciating pain and discomfort. As for the shoulder straps? Let's just say I'm waiting until I finish my driving career to get that boob job!
For what it's worth, the book is a reasonable read for about the first 100 pages, but then it turns into this dreck about how schmoopie her husband Paul is. Like four chapters of that garbage, including lots of (go ahead and laugh) marital advice. Maybe she wanted to be in the Oprah Book Club, but as it is I took the bullet for the rest of you and read the thing.

Anyhow, now that I've totally digressed...I don't sit around thinking about possible elective surgeries of drivers, but I saw the quote and thought it worth discussing. Sorry if this entire post has become offensive, because I'm not trying to take any sides by suggesting women have/not have this kind of surgery.

However, I would highly discourage any men from considering such a procedure.

Oh by the way, So Damn Indy points out that Mrs. Hospenthal will be featured on HBO Real Sports this week. Perhaps Frank DeFord will be asking her about how tightly her straps will fit in the upcoming season.


  1. Anonymous // September 17, 2006 4:25 PM  

    Money in the bank.

  2. Anonymous // September 17, 2006 6:15 PM  

    Who should play her..??
    Oh, *barf*!
    That's getting ahead of her own very inflated ego.

  3. Anonymous // September 18, 2006 7:52 AM  

    They can make the movie full-on Hollywood style, and have her "win" the race at the end! (runs back to office to begin working on script)

  4. Anonymous // September 18, 2006 8:52 AM  

    I will step up and admit that I, too own the book. And I agree with your assessment...

    And as for fake boobs, I am all in favor!