Simmons keeps his tongue moving

Posted by Iannucci | 6/26/2007 | 6 comments »
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When I see a headline like "KISS rocker Simmons keeps his tongue moving at Newton", it's like finding a gold nugget in a pan full of pyrite. I have found an article either worth reading or requiring me to take shower to wash off the filth. Or both.

In any case, as long as Tony George is going to allow Simmons to showcase himself as representative of the Indy Racing League, the mockery shall continue of The Tongue. So check out the quotes from this story, where The Tongue is basically flaunting the fact that he's got a Playboy model at home with their kids while he drags around a couple of blondes in Iowa.

KISS rocker Gene Simmons, flanked by two attractive, tan, blond women, created a stir everywhere he walked on the Iowa Speedway infield.

"Women spend all this time putting on makeup and perfume to look like this. The least we can do is pay them attention," Simmons said..."It's like flowers on the table. Why wouldn't you want to have more flowers than just one?"

This guy's a regular greeting card, eh? Come on, the only time he uses the word "flower" is when it's included in "de-flower".

"I think Iowa gets a bum rap. Whether it's the water or the corn out here, you make beautiful women - and there's nothing wrong with that. God comes here, too."
Anyone else find it odd Simmons is talking about God? Were random lightening strikes reported in Iowa this weekend? Was the traffic jam really a manifestation of a plague?

"Shannon (Tweed) is back with the kids," said Simmons, framed with a knowing grin. "As you know, I'm not married and there are many beautiful women in the world - and you should be nice to everybody."
You wanna be nice to everyone? Then take your freakshow mouth and JUST GO AWAY! Or at least pony up some cash and help start a team. Then go away! Please.


  1. Anonymous // June 26, 2007 8:44 AM  

    I do such a good job forgetting that Gene is involved in this league (is he beyond looking dumb and writing the mindy song?) that when I saw the headline I thought oh good it's about Jeff. Incidentily, was anyone else as dissappointed by TK taking him out? Seemed like he could have done very well this weekend.

  2. Anonymous // June 26, 2007 9:04 AM  

    Please make it go away. Please.

  3. pressdog // June 26, 2007 9:30 AM  

    Can I please note here that Gene is NOT an Iowan?

  4. Jennifer Coomer // June 26, 2007 10:15 AM  

    I used to be totally embarrassed by Gene "No Telling How Many STD's I've Had" Simmons being linked to the IRL. Then I watched a little bit of his reality show on A&E ... and ... well ... he's grown on me. Shhhh, don't tell anyone. Seriously.

  5. Iannucci // June 26, 2007 10:16 AM  

    Uh, you keep watching that show and soon you're gonna need some Valtrex.

  6. Anonymous // June 27, 2007 7:55 AM  

    Perhaps instead of Spock you could call Jeff "The Good Simmons"?