Your Saturday evening entertainment

For those who enter the Silent Pagoda, you have already booked your reservation for Tony Kanaan’s Pre-Race Clambake™ for this Saturday Night. If you were unaware, this event may or may not feature an appearance by Tony Kanaan, may or may not involve a clambake, but most definitely will feature the live entertainment of The Samples.

Now, I realize you have many choices for your pre-race entertainment, so before you book your reservation let's consider what those choices are.

* Tent Party at Mudsocks Grill. You can probably go to a grill anytime, but this evening Mudsocks features "Lee Brice". In his picture he looks a little like former American Idol contestant Bo Bice, which is not a good thing. Honestly, I have no idea who this guy is, so he could be a comedian or a singer or possibly a mime. Ambiguity reigns, so if Russian Roulette is your idea of entertainment then maybe this might be the show for you.

* The Race Party. This would be Saturday night’s official Playboy Pre-Race Party, hosted by Extra TV’s Carlos Diaz and eight(!) Playboy Playmates. Excuse me, but this is Indy, and you don't have to go to an expensive party just to see some fake racks; they're literally roaming in pairs by thousands everywhere around Speedway this weekend, with the possible exception of the men's room and the media center. Nevertheless, if you are Pauly Shore you will probably try to break into this party.

* Fantasy 500. This could be fun stuff, with Arie Luyendyk Sr, Ryan Hyphen Reay and LindyCar in attendance. However the host is Mario Lopez, and a good rule of thumb is to avoid anything that could lead to a "Saved By the Bell" flashback, because then you start thinking about Elizabeth Berkley, and then you start thinking about "Showgirls" and next thing you know you're face down over the commode hearing Screech in your head and...I need to take a moment and collect myself.

* Camp and Brew. Well, Camp and Brew is pretty awesome...but that's going on all the time.

So if you aren't hanging with friends at C&B, your choice is clear. You simply must swing by Tony Kanaan’s Pre-Race Clambake™, because it is CLEARLY the best place for an IndyCar fan to be seen. Not only is it the best choice for entertainment, it's also benefiting Tatum's Bugs of Fun, a foundation dedicated to children with long-term diseases. Even if you can't go, please make a modest donation if you are able. Because Tony Kanaan said so.