Hideki is not working it

Posted by Iannucci | 6/16/2009 | 3 comments »
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Perhaps it's because he's from darn near the same timezone, but Australia's own Shane Rogers, a.k.a. "International Superstar", has been about the only person giving serious consideration to the lack of love life affecting poor Hideki Mutoh. It's like an obsession for Shane, and if he can help Hideki find true love, or at least a dinner date, it might be the greatest Australian accomplishment since AC/DC's "Back in Black".

Shane previously noted that Hideki's first order of business should be to aquire a wingman other than one of his AGR teammates, a solution to which Shane nominated himself, the Firestone Firehawk, or Jimmy Vasser. But now Shane has taken to breaking down actual footage of Hideki's failure in much the same way Bill Belichick might study members of the opposition from an up close and possibly illegal perspective. Witness Shane's notes on the following video with Hideki and the incomparable Lauren Bohlander.


(1) Girl leans over to show interest (at 0:23)
(2) Girl plays with hair (at 0:32)
(3) Girl gets into your personal space with her hands (1:39)
(4) Girl laughs at jokes that are not really funny. (this especially applies when you laugh after joke, in the hope that she laughs back.) (1:45, 2:41 and 3:05)
(5) Girl completes your sentences for you (1:58) (heck, my ex-wife wasn’t that good!)
(6) Girl asks if you have a girlfriend (2:06)
(7) Girl asks if you hang out with another chick a lot, especially one that looks a bit like her. (2:28)
(8) Girl shows interest in knowing who or where you’re hanging out tonight (2:35)

Hideki, mate. For goodness sake: GO IN FOR THE KILL! You can’t expect your pit crew to make up places for you here, you’ve got to try and make a pass!
For what it's worth I've seen Lauren up close and she's simply stunning. Despite what advice Shane offers, I assure you he'd possibly be deer-in-the-headlights as well that close to her.

3 comments

  1. Bash // June 17, 2009 8:45 AM  

    I can attest to Shane's behavior in Lauren's presence. At Texas, we approached Lauren, who was chatting with Arni, and Shane proceeded to quiz Arni about his yet-to-be-announced insider picks for the race. Any appreciation of Ms. Bohlander's lovely presence was so subtle as to be missed. The International Superstar is just that cool, folks. :)

  2. Anonymous // June 17, 2009 8:02 PM  

    Your right, I feel dirty watching that video. But in a good way. I think Hideki needs to get the digits!

  3. AZZO45 // June 17, 2009 9:07 PM  

    Hideki is not a tool.... Cash money that this Lauren sweetie pie has a guy!! Why make a play (& an A$$ outta yo self) for somebody else's squeeze???

    If Marco was a good teammate he'd have his step-mom hook up Hideki at the next Playboy Party, eh?