LiveBlog: Texas 2009

Welcome to Texas, where everything is bigger. Allegedly. I can't confirm that, but I can attest that this race is one of the most anticipated races every year because it features three-wide racing unlike any other track. And that, my friends, gets us fire up!

Woo-hoo! Yeah! Something about it just makes me wanna inexplicably yell "Sne-va!"

Amid the excitement try to pay attention to Dario Franchitti tonight. He's driving the blue and black "Energizer Bunny" scheme that Scott Dixon has sported each of the last three seasons. '07 at Watkins Glen, '08 and '09 at Nashville - all three races Dixon won. Dario is a lock. You can't deny the power of the bunny.

No further facts are necessary. It's time to start.

0: Tony Kanaan is being interviewed by Jack Arute.

0: Congratulations to the Carpenters and the Lloyds on their new additions. Ed just deadpanned "We'd all go out on a date, go home and do our thing..."

0: Arute in the Sky Lair introducing footage of Shaq changing the tire on and IndyCar. He's veeeeeerrrrrry ssssllloooowwww. This is why the Suns didn't make the playoffs. Can Phoenix please have Shawn Marion back now?

0: Arute is now in the truck interviewing Helio. In the stands, in the Sky Lair, on the truck - ye gods, they've cloned the man!

0: Footage of Tomas Scheckter throwing his gloves at Marco. That NEVER gets old.

0: NostraBeekhuis is explaining the rear wing additions that help make the racing at Texas so awesome. And he did it in such a way that I actually understood it. Excuse me, I need to go retake my SATs right now.

0: Shaq says "Texas Motor Speedway, are you ready? I said, TEXAS MOTOR SPEEDWAY, ARE YOU READY? Ladies and gentlemen, START YOUR ENGINES!!!!!"

0: Jack Arute back in the pits.

1: And we are green. And the Big Two Penske and Ganassi cars jet beyond everyone else.

2: On board with Rafa Matos as he's passing people very few hundred yards.

2: Yellow! Milka and Graham Rahal sliding against the inside wall. Both cars are shedding parts. P1 and P2 have a little disappointment here as they had Moraes and Conway in "first out" here.

3: Looks like EJ got into this as well. Oh, no - not again. Replays show Graham Rahal's car went EVIL, snapped into EJ and collected Milka as well.

5: Replay also shows Ed Carpenter had a BIG moment as well. Great save by Ed in the retina-burning #20.

8: Jaques Lazier is in the pits. Fixing any number of things on that Team 3G car.

11: AAnd we're finally back to green.

12: Briscoe and Franchitti, side-by-side, nearly banging tires. SNE-VA!!!!

17: Marco and Kanaan are battling for 8th. Kanaan started 16th, and he's had just about enough of bad luck these last two races.

25: Briscoe, Franchitti, Helio, Dixon, Danica are your leaders. Marco is closing in on Mrs Hospenthal though.

35: Been lots of passing through the field, athough the front three of Briscoe, Franchiti and Dixon seem to be pulling away. Helio 4th, Wheldon 5th.

42: Jack Arute interviewing Milka Duno. I have no idea what Milka said. Could have been insulting Jack for calling her a "Chihuahua" last year for all I know.

46: Mike Conway is now in the pits, but for one of those extended stops where they take the cowling off the motor. Don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon, son. Beats being the wall, I guess.

50: I'll be honest with you: 50 laps in and all I can think is where did the three-wide racing at Texas go?

54: Racers are starting to pit. I'm guessing the Ganassi cars will pit last.

56: Briscoe, Dario and Dixon all pit. All leave in the same order.

57: Helio is the last to pit.

58: Check that: Ed Carpenter and Sarah Fisher will be the last to pit.

62: Saving fuel didn't seem to help Ed much. He's in 14th and about to be lapped by Briscoe.

70: Briscoe, Franchitti, Dixon, Helio...everyone else racing for 5th, which happens to be Marco.

80: Nothing is happening. This is Texas and the cars have separated and the four Ganassi and Penske cars are running away. Briscoe is in the front and Dixon, Helio and Dario are battling occasionally behind him. How shocking.

90: The Briscoe Inferno is leading by 6 seconds. Maybe my mind has gone fuzzy but I can't remember the last time someone led by 6 seconds at Texas.

100: Not content with destroying Texas, General Briscoe is now burning Atlanta. Also lapping Tony Kanaan in 9th.

110: Briscoe ahead by 9 seconds. Has lapped the field up to Marco in 5th. Four cars left on the lead lap as Briscoe is rolling the field like tanks through Sudetenland.

117: Helio and Dixon were briefly wheel-to-wheel battling for 2nd. Helio pulls ahead to make it Penske, Penske, Ganassi, Ganassi...it's like a cure for insomnia.

125: Briscoe still ahead by 8.7 seconds. Blowing the trumpet and knocking down the walls of Jericho.

128: Marco around Franchitti for 4th. Huzzah! Also, it seems Wheldon and Danica in 6th and 7th are still hanging on the lead lap. Everyone else has succumbed to Briscoe the Hun's invasion.

136: Marco gets past Helio for 3rd. Come on Marco - let's, break up this party.

141: Marco around Dixon for 2nd. Woo-hoo! SNE-VA!!! Only Briscoe ahead of him...by over 10 seconds. *slamming head on keyboard*

149: Here's Ryan Briscoe driving all by himself. It's like he's not even on the same track. I don't think Marco is even in the same time zone. 11.

151: Yellow! Total I've never been so happy to see a phantom debris yellow. I could hug Brian Barnhart right now.

153: Pitstops for everyone. No mix ups, but Briscoe tries to throw a block on Tony Kanaan who short-filled and beat everyone out to get his lap back. Leaders are still Briscoe, Andretti, Castroneves, Dixon, Franchitti.


157: Hideki Mutoh is in the pits. Looks like his day his done. Maybe he's got a hot date.

159: Back to green!

160: And Helio begins battling Marco for second....and he's around him, Penske back in 1st and 2nd.

162: And Dixon's around Marco. Dario on Andretti's rear wing now.

166: Helio has caught Briscoe, and now the Penske cars may soon batle to see who gets to kick the most butt. Or they may fall into formation.

168: Marco's hanging in 4th and Dan Wheldon is now challenging Dario for 5th. Come on Dan! I'm in full support of anyone ready to break up this Big Two stranglehold.

174: Yellow! Looks like AJ Foyt IV may be in the wall. Like the wreck on lap two, it's not a very camera-friendly incident.

176: Looks like Quattro is out an walking around. Everyone is going in for their final pit stops. On the exit it's...Helio, Briscoe, Dixon, Dario, Marco. Penske, Penske, Ganassi, Ganassi. Oh well, Wheldon right behind Marco.

178: VERSUS shows a package with Johnny Rutherford discussing the 1976 Indy 500. That was probably one of the more interesting moments tonight.

181: Dan Wheldon radio's in that he wants to do what Helio did at Kentucky last year. Presumably that means conserve fuel.

183: We go green and Marco, who's been running the high line most of the day, tries to go low on Dario. Can't get it done.

185: Well it only took 185 laps but we've finally got 8 cars running within a second of each other. Hope you're still awake. The guy in 8th: Tony Kanaan.

190: Marco is going backwards as Dan and Danica have both gotten around him.

191: Now Kanaan is around Marco. Now Danica is around Dan. Now Marco is back around Tony and Wheldon. SNEEEEEE-VAAAA!!!!! Helio, Briscoe, Dixon, Dario ahead of them.

195: Robbie Buhl just said "Danica needs to get up there and get on the gearbox of Dario Franchitti." Pretty sure that's on her to-do list, Robbie.

200: Penske, Penske, Ganassi, Ganassi, Danica. The first three are close but Dario and the rest are dropping back a bit.

207: Bob Jenkins informs us "By the way, AJ Foyt IV is OK. He thinks something broke on the car and by the looks of things he's right." *rimshot*

213: Battling for 5th, Danica just threw a HUGE block on Marco. To quote one of her commercials, "You think this is wring? This is just teamwork."

215: With TEN laps to go we're watching commercials.

216: We're back and we have no more crawl. Just footage of the two Penske cars pulling away, so maybe it doesn't matter.

224: White flag for Helio.

225: Helio wins, and you know a guy like Eddie Gossage won't stop him from climbing his fence.

Briscoe, who had such a strong car and lead 160 laps tonight, takes second. It's gonna be Prime Rib tonight for Team Penske. Dixon is third, Dario is...wait, Marco got around Dario for fourth! Golf lap in the My Name Is IRL World HQ as Andretti 3.0 breaks up the stranglehold. Danicker sixth for her fifth consecutive Top 10.

No offense to Helio but I'm a little bit stunned. There were moments of actual racing but something went horribly wrong tonight. Where did the three-wide racing go? I expect the pack to separate at Indy, but not here. Even Scott Dixon, who's wearing his sunglasses at night, is complaining that the racing was stunted. He thinks they need to "open up the rules".

I'd rant more, but apparently Marco is even more fired up that Danica was throwing an epic series of block parties. Says he told Danica "We're gonna have to talk...three out of four of us get the camaraderie so we need to have a sit down." I'm sure Michael will be thrilled to hear his son talking like this.

Danica response includes the line "I didn't make it hard when he got next to me." And that pretty much sums it up. Time to give Helio a ten-gallon hat and a couple of six-shooters so we can wrap this event up. Thank you very much folks, and good night.