Mutoh needs some lovin'

Posted by Iannucci | 6/05/2009 | 5 comments »
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For a while there was a Japanese driver in the IndyCar series by the name of Kosuke Matsuura - or as he is more commonly known, the "Sofa King" - and in 2006 he answered a questionnaire thusly:

Q: What are your off-season plans?
A: "This season ends kind of early - in September. I don't have anything to do. I'll go back to Japan. I don't spend any time in the U.S. in the off-season. I train and spend time with my friends and try to find a girlfriend.”
Yes, sad but true but in this vast land of millions of eligible ladies poor Kosuke was unable to find a suitable companion. Kosuke is now long gone, but it appears the problem continues as YET ANOTHER lonely Japanese driver is wandering the IndyCar series. Tony Kanaan shares the sad details with us.

Alrighty, American women - how does this happen? I've seen scads of you throwing yourselves at the most fugly of American race car drivers (read: Kyle Busch) but you mean tell me there aren't ANY of you who would bother to seek the companionship of a fine young Japanese lad? What IS the deal with your disaffection of the Japanese?

Is is their obsessive fascination with golf and video games? Is it the hairless chests? Is it the creepy female companion robots the Japanese keep producing? What's the matter here?

You need to look in your collective mirrors, American women, and you need to face the facts. Hideki Mutoh is a fun guy, he doesn't cause problems, and as I can personally attest to his brief dialogue with P2 last year he's good with kids. Oh, and he's a FREAKING RACE CAR DRIVER.

I'm going to join Tony in pleading with you all to help Hideki find someone with whom he can share a little sushi. American women, please, before Honda becomes personally offended at our national insult, we need one of you to step up and spare our country from this avoidable shame. Do it. Date Hideki. If you act fast enough you might even get to hang with Danica.


  1. Jennifer Coomer // June 05, 2009 11:08 AM  

    I am 1 1/2" taller and 9 years old than Hideki. Otherwise...

  2. Carrie // June 05, 2009 11:49 AM  

    Damn. Why couldn't TK be looking to find EJ a girlfriend? I'd be all over that. Of course, EJ probably has dozens of women in every port. *sigh*

  3. Anonymous // June 05, 2009 6:10 PM  

    How about a LindyCar contest for us guys? Or one of those PR babes you lucky dog (oops, N-word reference) bloggers got to hang out with all May?

  4. Mandy // June 05, 2009 11:00 PM  

    Personally, I think Hideki is cute in an elf-ish (elvish?) way, or maybe like a living anime character. But my brother does have a friend who has a thing for Asian you think Hideki will mind that she's a Mormon?

  5. McCarthief // June 06, 2009 12:12 AM  

    I'd enter...if I lived in America that is.