Did someone forget to get you a calendar for Christmas? No? Well it just goes to show you can't depend on anyone else but yourself these days. Before you go out and start looking for some new friends, do yourself a favor and buy one of these styling 2009 IndyCar wall calendars first.

I've got mine right here *tap tap* and I can see January features a beautiful shot of the excitement that is EJ Viso in a rare moment of driving without aggression. You put this bad boy on the wall and not only will you attract the attention of millions of like-minded open-wheel racing fans, but you will also know EXACTLY what day it is. I tell ya, it's the best entertainment two-fer since Dario and Ashley Judd.



Buy one today. In fact, buy two and give one to Scott Speed since none of his stock-car racing "friends" got him one either.

I love the Germans. We give them David Hasselhoff and in return they give the world Heidi Klum and Claudia Schiffer. Michael Schumacher as well, but that's not where I was going.

OK, if we must talk about Germany and racing then fancy this: Racecar Engineering is reporting that things are slowly progressing towards the possibility that your favorite driver may soon be behind the wheel of a little slice of german engineering.

Audi Sport’s head of engine technology Ulrich Baretzky confirmed to Racecar Engineering that the Volkswagen Group has been actively talking to the Indy Racing League since the engine manufactures’ round table held by the IRL in June 2008. Although nothing has yet been confirmed, it is looking increasingly likely that VW will join Honda as an Indy Car engine supplier when the regulations are changed, in theory in 2011.

As much as I've been recoiling at the prospect of having Volkswagen developing or even badging engines in the IndyCar series, I've come to the conclusion it's probably best to accept this just as we've accepted the fact that despite his best efforts Vitor Meira will never actually win an IndyCar race. (You just know he's going to finish second at least a dozen more times before his career is through.)

So who am I to be a snob holding out for a name like "Porsche" instead? If they want to roll out Herbie, chop the top, rip off the fenders, and put one of the cute little flower vases in the cockpit, then I say go for it. Go ahead and "un-pimp" the IRL.



And if we can get Ms Klum behind the wheel, well then, all the better.

After hearing it first from the braintrust at TSO (subscribe TODAY!), VERSUS has officially announced their team for their IndyCar broadcasts in 2009. Get ready to enjoy Bob Jenkins, Robbie Buhl, and Jon "Yon" Beekuis in the booth, with Robbie Floyd (who?), Lindy Thackston (who??) and the immortal Jack Arute (a-ha!) reporting LIVE from the pits.

I realize there are lots of folks who will be displeased by some of these selections. Some will say Bob Jenkins puts them to sleep, others will complain the all knowing (just ask him) Eddie Cheever is nowhere in this group, and Jack Arute's inclusion will drive his 14 ex-wives completely bananas. To this I say: whatever. If you're watching for the broadcast team and not the racing then you're just plain weird. Weirdo. Yes, you with the diet soda. Just mute the TV and pull up IMS Radio if it bothers you so much.

Personal preferences notwithstanding, I'd venture to say this group is already an improvement over the ESPN broadcasts of last year. In fact, I will say this out loud in the presence of no one but myself right now ... OK, now that that's done allow me to empirically prove this to you.

Jenkins v Marty Reid. Marty Reid is a fun announcer, but let's fact it - he makes people nervous. Working with Reid often rendered Scott Goodyear the most boring man on the continent, which wasn't apparent to me until he demonstrated full consciousness in working a couple of races with Jenkins. After further investigation it was obvious why Goodyear was so pensive. Spooky, isn't it? Advantage Jenkins

Buhl v Goodyear. Robbie Buhl is actually a part-owner of Dreyer & Reinbold Racing, which means there are good odds he might actually mention Dreyere & Reinbold Racing on the air. Did everyone forget that 2004 Indianapolis 500 winner Buddy Rice was still in the league? Buhl will fix this. Advantage Buhl

Beekhuis v no one. For baseball games on radio, no one makes for a great color commentator. This is especially true if the play-by-play man is Vin Scully. For everything else, the more the merrier, unless of course by more you mean "Tony Kornheiser". Fortunately for us "Yon" is not Tony Kornheiser. Advantage Beekhuis

Floyd v Vince Welch. I presume Robbie Floyd speaks English, but other than that I know nothing about Robbie Floyd other than his first name is "Robbie" and his last name is "Floyd". And that alone is enough to make Vince Welch a better pick since there's already a "Robbie" on this broadcast team. Innumerable broadcast disasters lie ahead from the inevitable crosstalk resulting when Jenkins asks "Robbie" a question. Disadvantage Floyd

Thackston v Brienne Pedigo. I'm not going to get into a debate of blondes versus brunettes since it will greatly upset the readheaded readers, so let's just look at the facts. Lindy Thackston.com reads "VERSUS Pit Reporter for the IndyCar series..." while BriennePedigo.com proudly proclaims "Actress, Dancer, Singer, Print Model and Producer". Under many other circumstances the advantage goes to Pedigo, but this is racing. Advantage Thackston

Arute v Arute. There are no losers here, not with the nuclear-tanned Shakespearean musings of the immortal Jack Arute gracing the airwaves. Advantage Arute

No matter how disappointed you might be there's little room to argue that this team won't result in an improvement in broadcast quality and entertainment. Five out of six in the plus column for VERSUS, and if this Robbie Floyd fella starts going by a nickname (I vote for "Scooter") it will be a clean sweep. Now, if we can just get the director to show some shots of passing occurring somewhere other than the front we'll be golden.

Your humble host has returned from a few a glorious days in the beautiful city of New Orleans. I'll spare you the details but suffice it to say you need to go and you need to go soon, because the lack of tourism seems to be hitting the city hard. In short order it will be turned over to pirates - dead pirates - which means a drunken Johnny Depp will stroll into town, drink all available rum previously used for "Hurricaines" and then all hell will break loose.

This is a great town, but even Anne Rice has moved away. That's right, many of the vampires have recently left. Obviously they need your help.

Speaking of help, it appears the "What about Helio" question at Team Penske has been answered, and the answer is...Will Power. Power will be revealed today (and by "revealed" I mean as an employee only - he's still wearing clothes) at a press connference that starts right about now.

2:30pm Waiting for things to get started. The video feed is blurry but I think I can make out huge blogger fan John Oreovicz. Why isn't he wearing his pressdog shirt?

2:33 Ryan Briscoe, Team Penske President Tim Cindric, Will Power and Helio Castroneves enter the room, all dressed in black. Let's have a Black Celebration.

2:34 Bob Jenkins is emcee of the ceremonies. It's nice that they have an announcer for the press conference. Since Scott Goodyear is unavailable I'll be providing color commentary for the masses.

2:35 Cindric says "The most important thing for us is to support Helio." And by support he means hiring a contingency driver from Australia.

2:38 "There's three drivers for Penske in 2009 and we'll determine who drives when...at the appropriate time." Since they only have two cars contractually I suggest they have a televised ro-sham-bo contest during the time trials for each race. Or perhaps competitive eating.

2:39 Will Power speaks for 30 seconds. Hi Will, nice to see you, let's talk to Helio.

2:40 Helio says "It's nice to have friends backing me up..." Sadly, the IMS audio engineers aren't backing him up because the audio then goes dead.

2:41 Audio still gone. Visually I can see everyone has their hands on the table except Helio. He's probably saying a rosary right about now.

2:42 Audio is back, and Tim Cindric is talking about upcoming testing and letting Helio remain focused. Focused on what, paying his attorneys?

2:43 Now Helio is talking again about being strong. Says he's "EEE-nnocent of those charges." Looks like Will Power can't get a word in edgewise at his own press conference.

2:45 Tim Cindric says "There's nothing I'd love more than to come back to The 500 and run Helio." Winning there twice will inspire that kind of confidence.

2:46 No further questions for now. "For those of you on the phone, if you have a question please dial star one." Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

2:47 Wait, here's a question. What if Helio is ready to race at St Pete? Cindric says "if Helio's ready to race the #3 car is his." I wish I could see Power's face now but the feed is kinda blurry. Pity.

2:49 Cindric will not comment on the length of Power's contract. "You know we don't talk about durations."

2:50 Question for Will! Huzzah! "When I was given the offer I didn't have anything signed at the time....Whatever happens I'll come out of this a better driver."

2:51 Thanks Will, but now we're going to talk to Briscoe. Ryan is asked to talk about racing against a guy from Australia. I suppose it's a lot like racing against a guy from Brazil, but what do I know.

2:52 Cindric is asked about hiring another foreign driver. Sounds like someone let Ryan Hunter-Reay's dad into the room.

2:53 Helio is "working on staying feet", which means he's exercising. Six to eight hours of cha-cha per day with some extra foxtrot on the weekends.

2:59 That's it. Bob says "Ryan, Tim, Will and Helio are available for one-on-ones." I guess we're all heading to the court to shoot some hoops. This is Indiana, after all.

Alrighty, friends. Looks like the only real news here is that Helio is still the driver of the #3, but as long as he's indisposed Will Power will be the understudy who steps in for the weekly performances. Not a bad insurance policy to have.

At some point in the last century a "DJ" was considered to be someone who talked in between records. Oh sure, they still have people that talk on the radio in between songs now - they're called "talent" and they have "shows" - but the music they play is no longer contained on those groovy (literally) vinyl discs.

Back then popular music consisted mostly a bunch of two- to three-minute songs, although every now and again one would come along that was much longer in length. No matter what they actually sounded like, cuts that were four or five minutes or morewere actually the DJ's favorites since they afforded them the time to leave the studio and do something else. You know, like eat a sandwich, take a potty break, or step out for breath of fresh tobacco.

For reference, please note the otherwise inexplicable popularity of In-A-Gadda-Da-Vidda.

And so it is today that your humble host needs to step out of the MNII World Headquarters for a bit and grab a bite to eat. And by "a bite" I mean something at one of the many fine restaurants in New Orleans, Louisiana, because that's where I'll be for the weekend. In the interim I'll leave you with this amazing little time capsule I found that includes well over 6 minutes of IndyCar history. Enjoy!

"We await Helio's court date, which is set for the first week of March. Hopefully everything will work itself out so Helio is able to compete at the first race in St. Petersburg (Fla.) on April 5. Helio is a great competitor who has provided Penske Racing with much success, and he is a terrific person. We stand behind Helio as he waits the upcoming date and we hope for a positive outcome." - Roger Penske, letting everyone know in no uncertain terms who he wants driving the #3 car in 2009.

Ladies, suppose I said to you "Show Me Your V"? What is the FIRST thing you're thinking that I mean by that request? Hang on, don't tell me. Lemme guess. It's ... it's ... it's the Versus network right?

Yes friends, the new "partner" for the Indy Racing League - you know, the super awesome auto racing series that features women drivers like her, her, and her - has collected some of the smartest marketers in the world and fed them nothing but saltines and cheese whiz, resulting in undoubtedly the most bestest way to promote their network's brand. I give you the very real "Show Me Your V" promotion.

So everyone, feel free to go there right now and upload your favorite picture of your "V".

To a lot of race fans Milka Duno is nothing less than a pox upon racing. Despite being possibly the most fan-friendly driver around today, Milkalicious isn't thought of too highly as a driver by people who like to make loud proclamations about who they think of as worthy or unworthy to get behind the wheel and drive 220 miles per hour.

Personally, I don't think she's any more of an impending death threat to her fellow drivers than her ridiculously-dressed character was to Speed Racer, but I do recognize the fact that she's clearly one of the lesser-skilled racers. Not only is she not going to win a race anytime soon, she's not even going to break the Top 10. In fact, in 2008 she was the only driver with at least 10 starts to not break the Top 15 of any race she entered.

Even Marty Roth got a 13th at Nashville.

But this isn't about picking on Milka, at least not directly. We're just going to establish her as the barometer for futility in 2008 since, well, her driving was quite futile. So in an effort to make shinola out of her season let's take a look at those who failed to reach "the Milka standard" by finishing behind her in the final standings most often.

You see, as bad as Ms Duno was she never actually finished last in any race because on various days someone (actually, several someones) inevitably had a worse day. In fact, of all series regulars only two managed to never finish behind Milka. Go ahead and guess...OK, don't think too hard because its Mr Dixon and Mr Castroneves. As for the rest of you, you got some 'splaining to do.

3 times behind Milka: Marco Andretti, Ryan Hunter-Reay, Vitor Meira, Will Power, Graham Rahal, EJ Viso. What's wrong with this picture? You'd think if someone spotted you a team with any two of these drivers you'd at least have a shot at a podium finish, right? Maybe so, but apparently you'd also have as good a shot at some bent equipment.

4 times behind Milka: Bruno Junqueira, Mario Moraes, Tomas Scheckter. Junky and Eminem were driving for Dale Coyne, a low-budget operation that inexplicably has failed to get a "Dollar Tree" sponsorship, but it's Schecketer's horrendous performance for "Other Team Penske" that left folks shaking their heads and Tomas collecting unemployment this year.

5 times behind Milka: Enrique Bernoldi, Jamie Camara. I'm sure the folks at Conquest Racing are thrilled beyond words that the two guys here were BOTH their drivers. Somewher Dale Coyne employees are silently chuckling. Meanwhile, it's no wonder Alex Tagliani - who barely finished ahead of Milka both times he faced her - is slated to drive in place of these two in '09.

6 times behind Milka: Justin Wilson. What the...? It's as if Milka is some kind of kryptonite to the poor guy. Aside from Surfers, Wilson finished in the Top 10 in every non-Milka ICS points race this year. With Milka on the track he made the Top 10 just once, although that once was his win at Detroit. Go figure.

And the winner is: Marty Roth, finishing behind Milka 8 times. Even though two of them he didn't start because of, uhh, parts shortage (yeah, that's it) let the record show that Marty not only stunk, but did so with unprecedented regularity. Please consider this an award of some sort, Marty, so that you might console yourself with winning something in 2008.

If Danica! gets a speeding ticket (it's paid off now) it's a fun little news story, but does it really deserve FOUR headlines at the Indianapolis Star?


And people wonder why newspapers are struggling for readers. Sheesh.

Forgive me for a moment - this has nothing to do with cars, drivers or racing.

Remember when "Spam" was a potted meat product enjoyed with particular fervor in Hawaii? These days when someone mentions that four-letter-word most people don't think of edible material, instead presuming the discussion involves "junk" email. This 21st-century scourge (the junk email, not the potted meat) no doubt affects us all, and friends I'm no different since I've allegedly won at least a dozen different lotteries in Europe in recent months as well as countless wealthy friends in embassies throughout the world.

However, today I received some "spam" that stands above others, not because of any riches promised or any Babelfish-translated broken English contained therein. No, this email is noteworthy because it is a hilariously direct insult to this site. Fully acknowledging that sharing this will invariably result in several days of Googly ads screaming of Dale Jr and such, I am providing it to you anyways in it's entirety - for entertainment purposes only, of course.

Good Morning,

I noticed that your blog, My Name is IRL, has a lot of great information about NASCAR!

I am writing on behalf of my client, Scene Daily. Scene Daily.com is a NASCAR news site featuring daily news, videos, pictures and commentary about the races. They also offer two print magazines – NASCAR Scene and NASCAR Illustrated.

I was wondering if you would be interested in receiving free issues of either magazine in exchange for a link to SceneDaily.com and to our magazine subscription page.

If you are interested, please reply at your convenience and I will send you free issues of either NASCAR Scene or NASCAR Illustrated.

If you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely,

Mikhaila Clements

Double You. Tee. Eff. Question mark.