Casually fighting crime

Posted by Iannucci | 1/16/2008 | 6 comments »
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It doesn't matter that he's gone to the N-Word, because if the reigning Indy 500 Champion is going to be tracking down one of the dumbest criminals in Nashville then by golly the tale of My Poor Little Husband's escapade is going to be printed here, as told by Terry Blount of

Sprint Cup rookie Dario Franchitti got caught with his pants down, sort of, when he first moved to his home in Nashville, Tenn., with his wife, actress Ashley Judd.

Is this really what you want, Dario? Not "Indy 500 Champion", not "IndyCar Series Champion", but "Sprint Cup rookie"? Ack!

"I was just sitting in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal in my boxer shorts," Franchitti said.

Most of us eat out of a bowl on the table, but it’s important to note these little differences that make him a champion.

"I looked up and some guy is standing in front of me. He just walked in the house.”

Yet despite being a champion, Dario apparently forgot to install locks in his swank Nashville pad.

"I really don't think I was the one he was looking for..."

The intruder was trying to track down Ashley to get his money back after seeing Bug.

...but the guy quickly turned around and ran out of the house.”

Does Dario call 911 like a sensible ninny? No, not when his inner James Bond is kicking in. Duh-duh-duuuuuuh!

He got in his car and sped off. So what did I do? I got in my car and chased him."

See here’s the best part. This trespasser thought for a nanosecond he could somehow flee the entire situation despite two very obvious facts. First, while it’s not certain which of his Italian-made sports cars Dario had at the ready, it’s fairly safe to say he was going to have a better vehicle than the would-be assailant. Second, he’s Dario Freaking Franchitti! You are not going to out run him in a vehicle no matter how many laps you throw down at the local go-kart track.

But Franchitti forgot one important thing in his quest to catch the intruder.

Lemme guess - that he still had a bowl of cereal in his boxer shorts?

"The police caught up [to] the guy before I did," Franchitti said. "And apparently some people in the Nashville media also heard on the [police scanner] about it, so they were there, too. They came up to talk to me about the time I realized I was still in my boxer shorts. I had to stay in the car the whole time."

Oh, yes, that little tidbit. Well, he's European so he can get away with that kind of attire, right? Besides, everyone knows all the best superheroes run around in their underwear.

(Thanks to reader Austin for the heads up)


  1. Jennifer Coomer // January 16, 2008 11:19 AM  

    I remember when this all went down. Yes, the first time I ever saw INDY 500 CHAMP AND INDYCAR CHAMP DARIO FRANCHITTI was on the local Nashville news. He and Ashley were arriving at the police station.

  2. Anonymous // January 16, 2008 11:59 AM  


    The only thing that could have capped that story is if Dario ran his car full speed into the back of the suspect's car and it cartwheeled end over end a la Kentucky. If he actually closed in on the intruder, all the intruder needed to do was throw a chop-block like Andretti 3.0 at Sonoma or Danica! in the pits in Kentucky. Dario would've quit the chase and driven home complaining how the intruder doesn't value teamwork.

    I guess Starchild better sell the house and move out of Nashville since "Poor Widdle Dawio" could get all hurted by the "Big Nasty Men" breaking into their lovenest.


  3. Jennifer Coomer // January 16, 2008 2:29 PM  

    By-the-way, I'm pretty sure this incident happened years ago. Before Dario and Ashley were married.

  4. Iannucci // January 16, 2008 3:31 PM  

    If this isn't recent then I'll amend this to being an intruder looking for a refund from "DeLovely".

  5. Anonymous // January 16, 2008 4:04 PM  

    Jeff and Jennifer,

    According to the Tennesean:

    "After marrying actress Ashley Judd in 2002, Franchitti moved to Nashville, where one of the first things that greeted him was an intruder in the house. . . "

    So it's been 5+ years, but they were married at the time. So Jennifer is correct.

    Now if I have this straight, driving Indycars = too dangerous to continue, but an intruder walking around the house and Dario doing his Bullit impersonation in his tighty whiteys = A-OK?

    I just don't get these entertainment types.

    Oh well, I just need to keep reminding myself the back half of the N-word field needs new drivers too.

  6. Jennifer Coomer // January 19, 2008 4:21 PM  

    October 6, 1999...

    A man who posed as a police officer to get into Hollywood actress Ashley Judd's home has been released from jail on the condition that he stays away from her.
    Judge Jeffrey Bivins told 32-year-old Guy Dukes from Kentucky: "You are to have no contact, you are not to follow, stalk or harass Miss Judd again."

    Dukes, who was charged with trespassing and impersonating a police officer, apologised for his actions after he left court, saying: "It won't happen again."

    He was ordered to stay at least 100 feet (30 metres) from the star and her home and could be jailed if he violates his probation.

    Prosecutor Ron Davis said Judd "wasn't really interested in punishing him, but wanted to make sure he stays away from her."

    Judd, 31, called police on 27 September after discovering Dukes in her Tennessee home. He left at her request and did not touch her, police said.

    Judd's boyfriend, British racing driver Dario Franchitti, followed Dukes by car into Franklin, where police cornered the suspect and arrested him.