Gratuitous Dr Evil references

Posted by Iannucci | 5/05/2008 | 7 comments »
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A few days ago Texas Motor Speedway promoter Eddie Gossage decided it might be a good idea to offer $100,000 to the most popular N-Word driver to come on down and race hisself an IndyCar. Well, Dale Junior has declined, albeit hilariously.

"Well, he thinks I'm a cheap date, I guess,'' NASCAR's most popular driver said before Friday's Sprint Cup qualifying at Richmond International Raceway.

"He's kind of like Austin Powers' Dr. Evil," Earnhardt said of the fictional character in a series of comedy movies. "His first estimate of holding the world ransom [for $1 million] was a little underfigured."

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And so somewhere Gossage is sitting down with his team, muttering “Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to Texas Motor Speedway. I have gathered here before me the world's deadliest promoters, and yet, each of you has failed to convince Dale Earnhardt Jr to race an IndyCar here. That makes me angry, and when Eddie Gossage gets angry, Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset, and when Mr. Bigglesworth gets upset...people DIE!”


  1. Mark // May 05, 2008 10:22 AM  

    That explains why all of the workers at TMS have a "giant freakin lazer beam" attached to their heads...

  2. Anonymous // May 05, 2008 10:56 AM  

    I like how Nascar drivers are supposed to be every day guys, but apparently offering one a hundred grand is almost an insult. Most blue collar guys can't shrug off one hundred dollars. Just sayin'...

  3. Johnny // May 05, 2008 11:35 AM  

    Totally agree with you Mutt. Their stratospheric pay (which is mostly deserved considering the tyranny their schedule wreaks upon their lives) has created a moral hazard in which performance, and in some cases, caring, has gone by the wayside. It's an attitude of just accepting whatever they want them to and get paid and move the circus on to the next town. And I think a lot of people are realizing the economic distance between themselves and the racers right now.

  4. Jennifer Coomer // May 05, 2008 11:41 AM  

    Dale Jr. can kiss my ass.

  5. Fred Hurley // May 05, 2008 11:52 AM  

    Oh, come on! It would have been freakin' awesome to see him run at Texas. And it would have been a ratings boost the likes of which the IRL hasn't seen in, well, ever.

    Honestly, Junior made the right call. He's unfamiliar with the car, and if he wrecks, and gets hurt, he will have put his sponsors and bosses in a tight spot. This isn't like running the Nationwide race - it's a whole different discipline. It was an interesting publicity stunt by Gossage, and that's all. No reason to go hatin' on a driver just because Gossage can't help but open his mouth every chance he gets.

  6. Anonymous // May 05, 2008 12:19 PM  

    Laugh all you want, but if JOOOOOOONNNNNYERRRRRR WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!! leaves the N-Word to drive in the IRL at Texas, he could win.

    I mean after all, Kyle Busch won't be there. :^P

    Hmmm, Eddie, get Kyle AND Dale Jr. on the phone. Throw in Paul Tracy, Tomas Scheckter, EJ Viso, and Marco Andretti for a ten lap sprint and it will be, in P-Dog's favorite phrase: A Festival of Carbon Fiber Aplenty!

    I'd buy that for a dollar!

  7. Anonymous // May 06, 2008 5:47 AM  

    Can an ill-tempered mutated SeaBass on the track be far behind?