Wet wet wet

Posted by Iannucci | 5/23/2008 | 11 comments »
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As any weather report will tell you, for the umteenth time this month the heavens opened up and dripped a slow steady leak today washing out nearly everything except the Stone Temple Pilots. Unlike IndyCar racing, bands are relatively waterproof.

If you had the benefit of being there, much of this will be familiar. If not, well if you were hoping to be here here's what your to-do list would have looked like.

Note: Do not feel obligated to arrive at Indianapolis via Charlotte, North Carolina, where you would exit the airplane and be greeted by the "official restaurant of stock car racing" and lots of Soda Pop 600 signage. This is totally unnecessary.

Here's the Carb Day worksheet.

9:30am. Arrive at the Speedway and hear the siren song of jet dryers circling the track.

9:45am. Walk past Eddie Cheever. P1 asks "Is he famous?" Well, uhh...look, there's Johnny Rutherford!

10:00am. Run into Oreo, start talking about racing until...

10:10am. Justin Wilson walks by. He's nearly eight feet tall. Wilson kindly poses for snapshot with P1 and P2.

10:45am. Stop by and say "Hi" to Indy Lights drivers while everyone is waiting for the IndyCar drivers to shake down their cars in a test session. Were they not wearing firesuits no one would know who they were. Pity.

11:15am. Delayed by rain, practice starts. Engines fire up, hot laps are turned in the 220s, and all is right with the world.

11:30am. Rain returns. All is back to no longer right with the world. Such is life.

11:45am. A most critical moment in history. For real. Walk near the entrance of Gasoline Alley and notice Danica! going into a Women's room up some stairs. Hmm. Ponder stalker ramifications. Make snap judgement to place P1 at base of stairwell with the Sharpie and program. Stand back, snap pictures as the stars finally align. Resist urge to ask Danicker if she washed her hands.

12:15pm. Consume the official meal of The 500, which is a huge-ass tenderloin sandwich with a side order of awesome track fries. Mmmm. Seriously. With some Cholula sauce this is as good as bad food gets.

1:00pm. Rain is continuing and track drying activity has ceased, so stop and say hello to Jennifer and John, a.k.a. two of the six My Name Is IRL readers who do not post as "Anonymous". Notice Buddy Rice's signage is fading away in the rain. Entertain the possibility that someone's kid may one day ask if he's famous.

1:45pm. See this year's stupidest shirt. It reads "you're all whores".

2:15pm. Car jones is kicking in. Time to check out the historic vehicles near Turn Two. Stand behind an Offy someone fired up and feel your eyes and throat burn from the fuel. Ponder a moment of respect for all of those Row 11 starters.

2:45pm. More rain. More pity for Indy Lights drivers who won't get to race.

3:00pm. Swing by the gift shop. Notice something sinister about the box of Danicker posters.

3:30pm. Notice the line 20 deep to get to the port-a-potties near the Stone Temple Pilots show that's about to kick off. Make decision to walk back under a tunnel to a less busy restroom.

4:00pm. Observe that no matter where you go it's a festival of beer containers. Not crushed and thrown on the ground, but just left on any ledge in sight. Maybe Miller should open a brewery in the infield. Then again, maybe not.

4:30pm. Still raining. Ain't gonna be no track activity. Time to go dry off and get ready for Curt Cavin's Burger Bash. Peace out.


  1. Jenna // May 23, 2008 3:55 PM  

    I was over at the cars in 2 around the same time! And as a former museum gift shop employee (last year), I despise those Danica posters.

  2. Mark // May 23, 2008 4:33 PM  

    You can post as anonymous????

  3. Doug // May 23, 2008 5:28 PM  

    It was a good day for the museum, and you're right, the vintage car display in T2 was pretty darn cool.

  4. Anonymous // May 23, 2008 7:13 PM  

    Hey, thanks for mentioning me.

  5. Anonymous // May 23, 2008 7:41 PM  


    Sorry mrs. mmack and I missed hooking up with you, P1 & P2. We got to the track around noon and left by 2:30. I kept looking for a guy in a yellow "My Name is IRL" t-shirt with two kids in tow, but every guy with a yellow t-shirt was toting a beer and had no children following him.

    After buying all of our tchotchkes, we'd had it with the rain, and the guys shotgunning beers behind the pagoda.

    Dumbest quote of the day? Someone walked up to a yellowshirt behind the Pagoda and asked: "Hey, how do we get into the infield here?"

    Duh, if you're behind the Pagoda, by definition, you are in the infield.

    P.S. We went to dinner at Oakley's Bistro and saw a) Linda Vaughn, b) Jeff Andretti, c) a table including Old Man Dallara, you know, the guys that built ALL 33 cars in the 500 field. We also met a waitress who told us Danica! stopped by. No word on if she's a big tipper. :^)

  6. Anonymous // May 23, 2008 9:54 PM  

    Hate to burst your bubble up there ^^^, but he was talking about me.

  7. Anonymous // May 23, 2008 10:27 PM  

    No, No, No You're both wrong - he was clearly referring to ME!

  8. Anonymous // May 23, 2008 10:30 PM  

    this is as good as bad food gets

    that's fine poetry and brings a tear to my eye

    see you all Sunday

  9. Anonymous // May 24, 2008 8:18 AM  

    Good to meet you last night, Jeff, even though, as you could probably tell, face to face interaction isn't my strong suit.

  10. Anonymous // May 24, 2008 1:45 PM  

    why are the Daniker posters in a nascar box

    (adjusting tinfoil hat)

  11. Anonymous // May 25, 2008 2:54 AM  

    i wish i could have been there...

    but it's 6am on race day and i'm leaving for the track... y'all have a great race!

    and wear sunscreen =)