AP: Roger Penske to buy Saturn

The car company, that is - not the planet, although no one doubts The Captain couldn't purchase a celestial body if that's what he really wanted. In fact, I have it on good authority Roger has already made a down-payment on Neptune, prompting Chip Ganassi to reflexively lay an embarrassing claim to Uranus...but I digress.

From the Associated Press:

A person briefed on the deal says General Motors Corp. will sell its Saturn brand to former race car driver and dealership chain owner Roger Penske.

GM has scheduled a 9 a.m. EDT conference call with Saturn General Manager Jill Lajdziak. The person briefed on the deal said Penske will be on the call.

Penske has said his company, Penske Automotive Group Inc. of Bloomfield Hills, Mich., is interested in the Saturn brand.

That's pretty much the entirety of the story at this point, although the Detroit Free Press has a little more. According to one analyst, this "doesn't make much sense" for Penske.

Aaron Bragman, an industry analyst from IHS Global Insight, said it doesn’t make much sense for Saturn to continue “as anything.” However, he added, "If anyone is going to make a go of it, Penske is one of the better people to try.”

Au contraire, Mr Indystry Analyst. This purchase totally makes sense for Roger.

Obviously Penske wants his own car company so he can enter his own engines in the next generation of IndyCars, and by "his own" I mean Ilmor-manufactured supermotors featuring alien technology that are badged as "Saturn". He's already got Test Driver Will Power available, thumbs a-twiddling, ready to begin testing.

Soon enough Ryan Briscoe will be married, which means there's a 50% chance that by the time the new engine specs are finalized he'll be completely brow-beaten, uninspired, and generally susceptible to overeating, depression and dementia. Nothing against his lovely bride-to-be, just a using modern marital statistics. Advantage, Will Power.

Meanwhile Penske can prop up the Saturn brand by returning the models to the brand's original dent-free body panels, allowing for ads featuring three-time Indy 500 winner Helio Castroneves jumping up and down on various models and espousing the new slogan: "My Saturn is FUN-tastic!!!" And yes, you'll definitely buy one.