How to fill a void

Posted by Iannucci | 9/16/2009 | , , | 2 comments »
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At this time your humble host is not able to comment on my conspicuous absence over recent days, however I will categorically deny certain vicious rumors I have read. Let me say in no uncertain terms: I did NOT fall into a crushing state of depression over LindyCar Thackston stealing what little readership I had at Silent Pagoda, I did NOT have my password to my site hijacked by M.I.T. Pre-Emeritus Interuptus JR Hildebrand after I off-handedly called him "Jimmy Neutron", and at NO POINT was I chained as a love slave in the basement of Lauren Bohlander's lounge. (I might strongly consider applying for that position, though.)

Despite my absence it seems I haven't missed too much because almost all anyone has been talking about for the last week and a half is innumerable sentences containing the words "Danica" and "N****R". It appears to have all started with an article at ESPN, which led to several blog posts, as well as poor Curt Cavin having to answer daily questions on something that hasn't actually occurred.

# Sept. 3: On Danica and Alex Lloyd - 09/03/09
# Sept. 8: On Danica and IMS surface - 09/08/09
# Sept. 9: On Danica and Grand Am - 09/09/09
# Sept. 11: On Danica and Osama Bin Laden - 09/11/09
# Sept. 13: On Danica and Kanye West - 09/13/09

I can see how a lot of people want to chatter about such a subject, but again - NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED. To recap: Tony Stewart says he talked with her, that she's looking to run some stock car feeder series in the next year or two, that she really wants to race tin tops for a living, and all of a sudden it's IndyCarmageddon. No contract was signed, no official announcement was made, and most importantly no new sponsors were hooked up to Danica's gravy train. All that happened was that Smoke said she "looked him in the eye" and told him this is what she wanted to do.

How is this news? As if anyone on a job interview - and when you think about, the Danica World Leverage Tour was a lot like a prolonged one-woman job fair - would say something different. As if we didn't already know Danica and her mysterious cadre of handlers haven't already been publicly talking up the idea of her in the most widely watched racing series in America? As if we're all suddenly shocked, SHOCKED that there's gambling in Casablanca.

Yet poor Bob Kravitz, who I last saw sleeping on Race Day at Indy this year, went into his best Chicken Little impersonation, saying nonsensical and contradictory things like her departure "won't kill the sport, but it will deal the open-wheel types a painful and possibly even fatal blow."

I'm not sure that was actually Bob, but before we all get navel-gazing about what the A.D. (After Danica) era would be like we need to remember she's still probably going to be in the IndyCar series for the immediate future. Yes, someday soon Danica may find herself elbow deep in studies similar to the Sam Hornish Jr Stock Car Education Curriculum, and she may have some as yet unknown fairy sponsor drop a $30 meeeeelion dollar package into her lap to jump to the Cup series, and she may find herself racing around for 30th place not because she can't drive the car but because she can't drive as well as the other 42 more experienced drivers. Someday. Not today, probably not this year, and maybe even not next year. But someday, maybe.

Friends, the WWDT mission has not failed. Not yet, at least. Somebody tell Hitler to take a breath and chill, because no matter how much wanderlust Mrs Hospenthal might have currently she will still for the foreseeable future be stuck with us and we will be stuck with her. Just remember this in case the three-week delay between Motegi and Homestead gets filled with even more hysteria.


  1. Justin // September 17, 2009 3:26 AM  

    So thats how Kravitz writes his stories. He hears voices and has visions while napping at an event then wakes up and puts them to paper. I knew there had to be an explanation for the crap that fill his articles. Here is a quote from Kravitz on his radio show,"I don't know anything about racing." Yes the man said something to this measure then and went on to pontificate about racing. He is a blowhard and tries to stir the pot to get more people to listen and call in to the radio show.

  2. Megan // September 17, 2009 12:23 PM  

    Welcome back, Jeff! I missed your articles.