Knights of the Oval Table

Posted by Iannucci | 7/13/2007 | 5 comments »
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Pressdog considers auditioning as Italian muscle, Money explains the difference between "gelling" and "jelling", and I think of a good use for Ashley Judd's enormous hat.

Here we go again.

Pressdog: What up, homeys?
MyNameIsIRL: still waiting on Money
MyNameIsIRL: forgive me if I'm a little off - i'm just now starting on my first cup of coffee
MoneyCJ: I'm going to do my best today. I stopped smoking 3 days ago and am still a little batty!
MoneyCJ: Can I start off by pointing out something highly ironic?
MoneyCJ: I received the latest issue of 'IndyCar' mag a few days ago...
MoneyCJ: In it, there is an interview with Dario and his Dad, George...
MoneyCJ: Done right after the 500 win...
MoneyCJ: One of Dario's quotes about his Dad went like this:
MoneyCJ: "I know a lot of Dads who, even at this level, cannot let go. He did"
Pressdog: Savor that irony. Congrats on kicking the cigs, Money. Huge Ups for that.
MyNameIsIRL: He should get together with Iceman's dad, who also seems on the chill side
MyNameIsIRL: Meanwhile, the American Dad's like Sam Sr and TJ have a totally different image now
Pressdog: Let me turn my hat backwards for a second and get my wife beater tank top on.
MoneyCJ: Let me drop trou
MyNameIsIRL: you're applying for that job, aren't you
Pressdog: I'm on the plane!
MyNameIsIRL: cheetos?
MoneyCJ: check
Pressdog: WTF? Snack time on the Gulf Stream.
MyNameIsIRL: I wonder if those came with the flight
MoneyCJ: Shit's BIZarre
MyNameIsIRL: OK, so I guess we're going straight to the fight. Money - your opinion?
MoneyCJ: Well, I'm on record as pretty clearly thinking it was a total joke
MoneyCJ: I also take TK's side
MoneyCJ: Who would, incidentally, beat the living CRAP out of Sam.
Pressdog: All the extra playah's needed to step off on that deal. Sam Sr., stay behind the wall. Anthony, simmer.
Pressdog: Let Sam Jr. and Tony talk about it. I don't think anyone was going to rumble, as Tony said, until these extra dudes got involved.
MoneyCJ: Exactly.
MyNameIsIRL: The worst part of the conflict was the glory footage didn't involve the drivers
MyNameIsIRL: The drivers were bickering WITH THEIR HELMETS ON
MyNameIsIRL: That's what made the Danica/Dan footage so primo
MoneyCJ: You see Wheldon egging TK on from the sidelines?
MyNameIsIRL: Wheldon also still wearing his helmet
Pressdog: Did you see on The Root had about three seconds with AJ Foyt asking him what he thought.
MoneyCJ: 'Yeah, yeah....kick eez arse, mate!"
Pressdog: Super Tex says "I noticed they kept their helmets on" or something like that.
Pressdog: LOL
MyNameIsIRL: He did, and Arute said "maybe they're smart"
MyNameIsIRL: And Foyt says "...or stupid"
MoneyCJ: would have been great had they just gotten it on with some
Pressdog: AJ's all like, "What's the big deal?"
MoneyCJ: "I'll kick all their asses"
Pressdog: Gave ABC some awesome footage to play over and over and over and over and over.
MyNameIsIRL: Yeah - they had about 30 minutes of airtime to fill
Pressdog: You'll see it about seven times in the run up to Nashville Opening montage.
MoneyCJ: Ugh

MyNameIsIRL: Here's a questions for you guys: is finishing these races early a problem?
MyNameIsIRL: It seems with so few accidents the races are over in like 90 minutes
MoneyCJ: Well, I suppose I'll take that over more accidents!
Pressdog: I heard some bitching here at Iowa from people who said 89 minutes wasn't a long enough race for $50.
MyNameIsIRL: Especially if you only saw half the race
Pressdog: If they have less accidents, then add more laps.
MoneyCJ: Ouch
Pressdog: No shit. I waited in traffic about twice as long as the actual race.
MoneyCJ: Jeff, did you HAVE to go there?
Pressdog: Of which I saw about 2/3rds.
MoneyCJ: hahaha
MyNameIsIRL: Sorry. It's like picking at a scab, I know.
MoneyCJ: Jeezussss
Pressdog: The track is putting down gravel and making a big deal out of some improvements they're making, so maybe there is hope.
MyNameIsIRL: The only problem with more laps is a greater likelihood of driver fatigue
MyNameIsIRL: Danger Mouse is already getting winded
Pressdog: Har. Better to have more laps than phantom yellows.
MyNameIsIRL: Danica's gonna end up with Popeye forearms
Pressdog: She's got the guns. Milka's got the guns. Why doesn't Milka do road races?
MyNameIsIRL: Maybe that's the answer - two debris yellow minimum per race
Pressdog: Call them Beer Yellows.
MoneyCJ: $$$
MyNameIsIRL: I like that - sponsorship opportunity
MoneyCJ: This beer yellow brought to you by Miller Lite!
MoneyCJ: Go get your drink on!!
Pressdog: Absolutely. Even put a Lite logo on the yellow flag as they did with the ethanol logo on the green flag.
MoneyCJ: Genuis, man
MyNameIsIRL: Tony George, HIRE THIS MAN
MoneyCJ: NOW
Pressdog: I wouldn't last long working for Tony. I'd say someting was "stupid-ass" and I'd be gone.
Pressdog: Besides, Tony has Gene. (Couldn't resist.)
MyNameIsIRL: don't go there

MyNameIsIRL: moving along now...
MyNameIsIRL: Dog, you are tight with the D&R crew. Buddy Rice is looking top shelf all of a sudden. explain.
Pressdog: I think Buddy and his engineer are "gelling." Or is it "jelling"? And, I think Buddy gets noticible cash to drive so he gets first dibs on all the good parts, etc.
MoneyCJ: Gelling is coherency. Jelling involves bongs.
MyNameIsIRL: which is it?
Pressdog: Plus he has more experience than Sarah.
Pressdog: I suspect the team has enough money to put one super-tweaked car on the track plus one semi-tweaked.
MoneyCJ: p-dog, you'll be happy to know...
MoneyCJ: that there is a pic of Buddy in the new IndyCar Mag where the bill of his cap is s-l-i-g-h-t-l-y curved!!
MyNameIsIRL: that's an altered image, Money
MoneyCJ: heh
MyNameIsIRL: hang on - Sarah seems to have more sponsorship than him, right?
Pressdog: Wildman! Yeah, Sarah has more sponsorship than Buddy, but Buddy has the Indy 500 ring.
Pressdog: Us Sarah fans think the sponsorship meal ticket should get some of the first fruits, but ...
Pressdog: Again, I'm just talking out of my ass about what I THINK is going on. DRR ain't going to talk to me about any internal issues.
MyNameIsIRL: OK, but do you think they are pleased so far this season?
MoneyCJ: The sure as hell should be!
Pressdog: Oh yeah. DRR has gotten more air this season than the last eight combined. Buddy is doing well. I think they are pretty happy.
MyNameIsIRL: I would think the last few races would make them feel
MoneyCJ: And Sarah's a star
MoneyCJ: s'all good
Pressdog: If Sarah would start finishing on the lead lap, that would make everyone giddy.
MoneyCJ: It'll happen.
MyNameIsIRL: She needs some more yellows. Those 2/10ths of a second per lap kill ya without the yellows
MoneyCJ: Beer Yellow to the rescue!
Pressdog: I don't see a loser with Beer Yellows.
MoneyCJ: You are really onto something with that one. Like, really really.
MyNameIsIRL: Should there be different shades of yellow flag. Lager Yellow, Ale Yellow, etc?
MoneyCJ: Depends on the sponsor, I suppose...
Pressdog: Don't overthink it, Jeffy.
MyNameIsIRL: OK - sorry

MoneyCJ: I forgive you.
MyNameIsIRL: Money - you want to say anything to Dario now?
MoneyCJ: Oh yeahh...heh.
MoneyCJ: Actually, I have nothing to apologize for...but I do give him MAD respek for doing what I suggested he needed to do--and that's win one
MoneyCJ: Was huge.
Pressdog: He's a right-sexy wee bastard for sure.
MyNameIsIRL: as if the other two wins were not "outright"
MoneyCJ: Dude, you know what I meant with that
MyNameIsIRL: I seriosuly think Ashely needs to beat you about the head with her giant hat
MoneyCJ: That would be kinda hot.
Pressdog: Dario would never get into any fights because he's a GENTLEMAN.
MyNameIsIRL: Maybe he would fight like a GENTLEMAN
MoneyCJ: Seriously, do I need to explain myself AGAIN as regards Dario?
Pressdog: No. Jeff is huffing paint or something.
MyNameIsIRL: I'm just giving you grief because you deserve it.
MoneyCJ: Blow me

MyNameIsIRL: Alright, we have 7 races left and it's pretty much a two driver race for the championship. Are you picking Mr Judd, Iceman, or someone else?
MoneyCJ: Ummmm....ask me after Nashville.
MyNameIsIRL: weeeeeeeeak
MoneyCJ: (heh)
Pressdog: I gotta say Dario is charmed this year, although my heart belongs to the Iceman.
Pressdog: I think Dario wins the title, though.
MoneyCJ: I don't see Scott making it, even though he is super awesome
MoneyCJ: Would be really exciting to see Dario do it...
Pressdog: If Dario starts getting top fives in road courses, it's over.
MoneyCJ: Still not convinced that's gonna happen though
MyNameIsIRL: Wanna guess when Iceman's last oval win was?
MoneyCJ: mmmmmm.......
Pressdog: No idea, King of Stats
MyNameIsIRL: last year at Nashville
MoneyCJ: Oh! Well, then....
MyNameIsIRL: wanna guess who won that race the year before?
MyNameIsIRL: Dario won the guitar in '05
Pressdog: Nashville. It's like a 1.5-grove track. Snorefest last year, seems to me.
MyNameIsIRL: Snorefest! Dixon and Wheldon were battling it out last year.
MoneyCJ: Dario's going to be very hard to beat this year
MoneyCJ: Home track, big Mo, etc...
Pressdog: How do you "battle it out" on a one-groove track. Follow each other closely?
MoneyCJ: Crowd's gonna be going batshit for him
MyNameIsIRL: I'm excited, if only because a likely Mid-Ohio snoozer is right after
MoneyCJ: Oh--can I throw something out here before we leave the subject of Nashville?
MyNameIsIRL: throw out but not up
MoneyCJ: It is unclear at this time whether I will be able to LiveBlog it or not. Will be on the road. Depends on wireless signals, etc.
MoneyCJ: Will do my best
MyNameIsIRL: bummer

MyNameIsIRL: Alright last topic: what the heck has happened to Wheldon and Castroneves?
Pressdog: WTF with Helio? Good question. He just lost it at Watkins Glen
MoneyCJ: Wheldon slumping a bit. Helio cursed.
MoneyCJ: Dan'll be back.
MoneyCJ: Helio may just have to write this year off.
Pressdog: Wheldon need to get his schwerve back on at Nashville. He's road-course challenged.
MyNameIsIRL: Do Brits have Schwerve?
Pressdog: Oh sure.
MyNameIsIRL: I thought they had Mojo
MoneyCJ: or is it juju?
Pressdog: Helio was on his way at Milwaukee than the tinker toy parts failed.
MyNameIsIRL: And the Texas Tire wasn't his fault either
Pressdog: He just lost it at WG.
MoneyCJ: That was truly one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen.
Pressdog: Spinning coming out of the pits at Iowa was a total brain lock. A serious WTF moment.
MyNameIsIRL: Penalized at Richmond for putting a cake inthe face of IHJ
Pressdog: Um, yeah, you stuff cake in the face of Darth Vader you also die.
MyNameIsIRL: this is not your typical year for Roger Penske
Pressdog: agreed
MoneyCJ: And I don't think that's a bad thing for the series
MoneyCJ: not at all
MyNameIsIRL: do you think Helio's bad year will have an affect on Sam's NAPCAR decision?
Pressdog: sam is gone.
MyNameIsIRL: like does he need TWO new drivers
MoneyCJ: no no no
MoneyCJ: big H wants another Indy win
MoneyCJ: bad bad bad
Pressdog: oh yeah. hockey scrum busts out for his seat.
Pressdog: Helio stays if he wants. This season is toast, though.
MoneyCJ: right.
Pressdog: He may console himself with a win or maybe two.
MoneyCJ: Would like to see that.
MyNameIsIRL: I think Belle Isle is his for the taking
MoneyCJ: Doesn't Roger decide who wins at Belle?
MyNameIsIRL: Exactly. It's his event
MoneyCJ: Well there ya go
Pressdog: I'm interested to see Belle Isle. I've heard it is a "shit hole" but I know Penske is pouring major Penske Bucks into it.
MyNameIsIRL: They're pouring major buck into decorations, not making the track any wider
MyNameIsIRL: Pole winner will win that race, barring airstrike
Pressdog: Most likely. Unless someone brain locks. Always a possibility on a street course.
MyNameIsIRL: true
Pressdog: There was actually a lot of passing at the last IRL road race. Cars were pretty unequal so we had some passing.
Pressdog: Never for the lead, that I recall, but still.
Pressdog: Then again I drifted in parts of it.
MoneyCJ: The Glen is all kind of a blur to me at this point
MyNameIsIRL: That's why the fight broke out. Just to wake you up

MyNameIsIRL: Alrighty then. Any final thoughts or are we done.
MoneyCJ: I'm headed to IMS Wednesday to drive the Dallara!
Pressdog: Get some photos for us. You Tube Video.
MoneyCJ: will look forward to posting about that experience
MoneyCJ: YouTube is ON. As are pics
MyNameIsIRL: Don't do a Roberto Guerrero and go into the wall warming up the tires
MoneyCJ: And Allan's covering it for also
MoneyCJ: totally pumped
MoneyCJ: like all-time high pumped-ness
Pressdog: Huge. Yeah, Scott Sharp turn 1 lap 1 wallege
MyNameIsIRL: that would be bad as well
MoneyCJ: Yeah, I don't think that would go over all that well
MyNameIsIRL: Money's all pumped and we're disucssing SAFER barrier action
MoneyCJ: yeah. thanks.
MoneyCJ: for the vote of confidence!
MyNameIsIRL: keep it clean or you loose your ride
Pressdog: You'll do fine. Go for 167 mph!
MoneyCJ: totally.
MyNameIsIRL: do you get to see how fast you're going?
MoneyCJ: I'm thinking I'll come out of it with a ride....
MoneyCJ: yes
MoneyCJ: avg speeds, etc
Pressdog: Roger may need someone next year.
MoneyCJ: I will report and I will report honestly.
MyNameIsIRL: be sure to start a fight afterwards
MyNameIsIRL: and take the helmet OFF
MoneyCJ: Oh yeah--
Pressdog: Maybe J Lil can catch you right after and get a track-side interview.
MoneyCJ: gonna throw the gloves, shake the fist, all that...
MoneyCJ: Climb the fence
MyNameIsIRL: get him in a walk-along
Pressdog: We're down here with MoneyCJ, what did you think about the ride?
MyNameIsIRL: (censored)
MoneyCJ: I'll just let go with a Marco-on-radio style FUUU***&&&$$$KKKK!
Pressdog: Random screamed obscenities -- that's our Young Marco
MoneyCJ: The kid rules.
MyNameIsIRL: alrighty guys, we've run long.
MoneyCJ: Keep it real, boys.
MyNameIsIRL: best of luck and be safe, Money
Pressdog: Be sure and tip your waitress. Go Sarah!
MoneyCJ: Thanks--talk to ya soon
MyNameIsIRL: thanks guys. later.
MoneyCJ: cya
Pressdog: peace out.


  1. Unknown // July 13, 2007 1:03 AM  


    Friday the 13th.

    Avoid black cats, don't walk under ladders, but you can't beat the clock and calendar.

    Yes it's true.

    Money's ride at the site of F1's latest American divorce is getting WAYYYYY more coverage than it warrants!


    But, as the great and wise ones remind us, "It is what it is!"

    Anybody think TCGR's addition of a Pro Series team has actually cause subtraction of its IndyCar results?

    Just wondering.

    Those guys are the consummate professionals, hands-down the one team I personally would want to work for...but they lost Pablo early one, Chris is struggling and the whole team just seems to be in a funk.

    The stars have seriously misaligned for them.

    Seems like it's qualifying that has been the nemesis for Wheldon: couldn't go fast when it counted at Indy, not really been very quick since then.

    Peculiar goings on that I cannot fathom as I called for a "Dan the Man" year back in January when he looked like he was going to be lights-out all year long.

    Hey, give my fellow UK alum Ashley some love now!

    She's got a great love for the same two things that get my motor running: fast cars and fast-break hoops!

    Actually she is really cool and is extremely easy to talk to in person. She has that same fine, Southern intelligence of Ashley Wilkes. May have to Google that name to understand.

    Oh, not trying to be mean (oh, WTH, be mean!)...


    You only paid $25 for the race. The other part of the $50 was for the festival parking in metro Newton!


    Drive on guys!

  2. Carrie // July 13, 2007 8:28 AM  

    One of you needs to look into getting an audio recording of Marco's in-car radio. All this talk of his random screaming is driving me nuts because I've never gotten to hear it. :-(

    Naturally I am missing Nashville tomorrow so there goes *that* chance.

    You guys are great though P-dog is starting to scare me with the "right-sexy wee bastard" talk about Dario. ;-)

  3. Iannucci // July 13, 2007 8:35 AM  

    The best way I can think of saying it is that Marco is just a high-energy dude during races.

    If want a similar effect then here's what you do: Invite a friend over and have them drink like 10 cups of coffee in 5 minutes. After a quick potty (for them, not you) break give your friend a plastic 5-gallon bucket and tell him/her to start yelling into the bucket everything that is going wrong with their lives. Then stand about 10 feet away and keep telling them to yell louder.

    That's pretty much what Marco sounds like on the scanner.

  4. Anonymous // July 13, 2007 10:00 AM  

    Marco freaked when they didn't make a wing change for him at WG. He should at the least switch to sugar-free Red Bull.

    Anybody think TCGR's addition of a Pro Series team has actually cause subtraction of its IndyCar results?

    Not really. I suspect Chip required a plenty big check before he even started a Pro Series operation and staffed accordingly.

    My personal opinion is that TCGR is one of the teams that got busted for cheating during the month of May ... but I haven't been able to get enough info to turn it from opinion to fact.

  5. Anonymous // July 13, 2007 7:24 PM  

    The "down" year for TCGR isn't really anythign to do with the IPS team. That was actually beneficial to get more track time for Dixon & Wheldon. It actually has to do with Juan Pablo Montoya, Chip has had a rough year managing the media frenzy that he's creating and hasn't been around to supervise the Indycar teams. For years gone by he's been the race strategist for Dixon then he hopped over to Wheldon's pit last year. Now he has underlings in both and doesn't have that personal connection with the drivers.