It's the least wonderful time of the year

Welcome to the Valley of the Sun, where the sports frenzy is reaching new heights. For the first time ever our otherwise hapless, carpet-bagger football franchise has somehow managed to find it's way to the biggest game in American football: The Soopahbow.

And while most folks here will be huddled around their TVs, decked out shiny new Cardinal gear, your humble host will be sitting at home with his family, occasionally sticking his fingers in his ears and going "la la la la la la". Because the Soopahbow has become something I've grown to regret the last few years. Because the Soopahbow isn't about the game, it's about the ads. And because once again it's time for another embarrassing ad featuring Danica Patrick.

Actually, we're getting two of them.

One ad is called "Shower" where some idiot decides he can use a computer to make Danica take a shower. I'm not sure what this has to do with domain names. The other is called "Baseball" where Danica admits to being enhanced ...what???...oh wait, it's her WEB SITE that's enhanced. Honestly, judging from the "Gun Show" going on in the shower ad I'd suspect she may in fact be "enhanced", just in the Canseco/McGwire sense of the word. She might even be able to defeat Tony Kanaan in arm wrestling with those bulging biceps. Yikes!

But it's not the arms that trouble me, it's the fact that we now have yet another sophomoric attempt at humor providing the most visible showcase for the biggest name in IndyCar. As I noted last year in my Open Letter to Danica, it's not the nature of the humor I find deplorable, it's the absence of humor. It's possible to be sexy and funny without being completely crass.



As the year wore on I kinda wondered if someone had actually read that letter, since the only GoDaddy ad we saw all year was one of some tween-age girl going all Viso on some boys in a go-kart racing and getting the checkered flag presented to her by Danica. (And might I note that soon after that ad ran Danica won her first race. Coincidence?)

But here we are back today with a double dose of inanity, and despite the previous six paragraphs this isn't all about how I feel. I got to thinking about this and it's pretty obvious GoDaddy is the first name that comes to mind whend considering Danica's long list of sponsors. That's amazing considering they've only been leveraging her celebrity for about three years, especially when her car displays logos for several other companies that hardly ever get a peep of pub with her.

Take for example Motorola. Much was made when they announced a three-year deal with Mrs Hospenthal and Andretti Green, supposedly to the tune of over $20 million. This is her primary sponsor, friends, the one who she's supposed to mention within three seconds of having a microphone stuffed in her face, but sober folks could safely play their own drinking game with as many times as she mentioned Motorola.

How about AirTran? Anyone seen "AirTranica One" lately? Danica also has a watch endorsement - you know who that is? And what about Argent Mortgage, the company that Rahal Letterman sued to retain as a sponsor when Danica jumped to AGR? Yeah, well, they don't even exist as a sole entity anymore.

Look, I've got nothing against GoDaddy. They're a wonderful company and I've been using their services since before Danica! was their spokesperson. (I also have a Motorola phone, but I've never flown AirTran. Just sayin'.) I just wonder why GoDaddy seems to be thriving with ridiculous advertisements featuring the IndyCar über-celebrity while other companies are nearly invisible with their co-operative synergies.

Then again, maybe it's because of the ridiculous advertisements. Anyhow, for the love of Larry Fitzgerald, Go Cardinals!